Secrets and Lies

Don't you hate it when a blogger you love just disappears off the face of the earth. Just *POOF* gone. No explanation. No warning. No good-bye. Just gone. You check their site daily hoping for word, pithy writing, cute pictures of children, maybe even some fabulous knitting. Yet day after day there is nothing but the same fuzzy shot of some slightly ugly socks.

Yeah I hate that too. So I'll pretend I didn't just do the same thing by going silent for a month with no explanation. Because honestly there is a good explanation.

I've been sitting on a secret. And I don't do secrets. I can't keep them. Well, that's not entirely true. I can keep other people secrets. I'm very trustworthy with YOUR secrets. But my life? It's a bit of an open book. What you see is what you get. And I don't do secrets. They feel too much like lies. So I'll tell anyone anything they want to know, and a few things they didn't ask about. I've learned to accept this about myself.

It was so hard last year not to talk about moving when we were planning our move. I didn't want to say something too early and jinx everything. But it felt like a lie of omission by not talking about it. And we all know how I feel about liars. It was terrible feeling like an unintentional liar. I felt guilty every time I blogged. All I could think about was the move, yet I kept changing the subject in my internal dialogue so I could think of other things to blog about. I danced around this huge elephant in the corner that no one knew was there but me. It wasn't fun. So this time, when I had a secret to keep, I chose a different tactic. I hid. I hid from my phone, I hid from my blog, I hid from the world. If I didn't talk to you I wouldn't have to dance around my secret. I couldn't accidentally reveal it. And best of all I wouldn't be lying, by omission or otherwise, if I didn't talk to you.

So there you go. I've been keeping a secret from you. It feels good to just put that out to the universe. Now you know.

What...did you think I was going to tell you the secret?

I'm not ready for that yet. It just feels good to be honest and tell you I've been keeping something from you. But I will not leave you completely empty handed. Since you took the time to visit I will reward you with pictures of my adorable children, whom I am sure you all have missed very much.

OK, so I did share my secret. I told you I couldn't keep one.