Neglecting My Adoring Fans

I know, I know. My poor little blog. All alone in cyber space it sits. Un-loved, un-updated, un-read. Poor blog. If you are here you're proably a Grandparent. And I will reward you for your devotion.

Coming tomorrow? Knitting!

A very exciting event

Remember yesterday when I said the children got enough candy for Easter that a tooth fell out of Pork Chop's mouth? I wasn't kidding.

She lost her first tooth that night. It had been loose for weeks. We offered to pull it, tie a string, slam a door, all those things parents say to scared children who are afraid it will hurt. She was having none of it.

Instead she appears by my bedside in the wee hours of the morning gushing blood telling me "My front teeth hit my loose tooth and it fell out." Did I jump up to hug her, to take pictures of this milestone in her life. Are you kidding me? It was three in the morning. In one of my finer parenting moments I told her to get a washcloth for the blood and to go back to bed. She wanted to put the tooth under her pillow right away but I said the tooth fairy had already gone home for the night. She'd have to wait.

Now I'd like to have a word with the genius who decided the tooth must be placed under the head of a sleeping child, where it is then removed and replaced by money. Couldn't the tooth have been placed in a cup by the bed? Or in the bathroom by the toothbrushes? Or on the kitchen table? Why must it be UNDER the kid's head where it can only be removed by moving the child? Sometimes creating a childhood full of treasured memories is a PITA.

Rest assured, the dollar was deposited without incident. Pork Chop was pleased with the entire experience and is ready for another tooth to become loose. These little milestones sure do tick by quickly don't they.

Some people have crack, I have knitting.

Somedays it's hard to put things into words. Trying to distill the moments of your life into an interesting blog post. When you're just busy with life, it's hard to find the time to form the words. To edit them. To spell check five times and still find a mistake three seconds after you post a blog entry. Add depression to the mix and it can be hard to find the energy to form the words. To know where to begin. What to say. You're often sick of yourself, so the last thing you want to do is spend more time thinking about yourself. You're tired of listening to your internal dialogue, so you're pretty sure no one else wants to hear it either. And the longer you go without posting the harder it is to know where to begin.

I've been accused of knitting too much. People ask how much I knit, and it really is two, three, sometimes four hours a day. Every day. (Let's not even begin to talk about how much I knit during Sock Madness) I need the stress relief, the soothing motion of my hands. Heck, if you're reading this I probably don't have to justify myself to you. You suffer from the same affliction. I've had snotty housewives tell me they wish they had that kind of time on their hands, as if I sit and knit all day while my children swing from the light fixtures and poke holes in the walls with my unused needles. How I wish that were the case. Do you know how much I could get done, and hey, I know how to spackle. No, my kids are unusually good while I knit. They are most likely sleeping. Knitting at nap time or after bed time is an important part of my life.

No I am not knitting when the children do something like this.

Where was I Thursday morning when the children decided to enter the garage, fill it with toys, spread half the contents of a 50 lb bag of dog food on the floor, and throw around some miracle grow powder for a splash of color?

I was not so absorbed in my *K2 tog, yo that I didn't hear the garage door close. I wasn't so interested in my soaps that I failed to notice the tell-tale silence that followed. I was not so high on crack that I didn't really care what was going on. I was not doing any of the things you think a typical neglectful mother would be doing.

I was in the shower.

And this was the second time that week the children had done this. Remember they only spread half the bag of dog food on the floor. That's because they had spread the other half of the brand new bag of dog food on the floor on Monday. While I was in the shower on Monday.

I don't know what has caused them to start this new Operation Smelly Mommy campaign. They got lots of candy for Easter. So much candy that a tooth actually fell out of Pork Chop's mouth that night. (Don't worry Grandparents. I'll post pictures of that tomorrow, probably). So it can't be low blood sugar. They own (and this is just a rough estimate) a billion movies, to it can not be a media related protest. Their art supplies are well stocked, so this isn't a release of pent up artistic expression. I'm not sure what is behind this new aggression towards Mommy.

So now it appear that I can add showering to the list of activities that are unsafe to attempt while the children are awake. This list already includes smoking crack, having adult conversations, and going to the bathroom with the door closed.

Do you understand why I need to knit four or more hours a day?

Don't Worry...

The Easter Bunny came through...

And she was duly rewarded for a job well done.