Today her blog, Tomorrow the world

I am Boyd. Just look at me. I am magnificent. I am shiny, and pointy, and all the things you could dream of in a pair of circular needles. I speak with a deep manly voice. And I have a European accent. You can't tell this because you are reading. Please add a mental voice over as you read this. Think Russian James Earl Jones. Oh yes, Did I mention that I am supremely evil? I already control the weather, and soon I shall take over the world. (Insert evil laugh here).

Oh she thinks she can put a few pretty bobbles on my end and all will be forgiven. Sure I did look fabulous and the blue really complimented my natural skin color (hey when did the voice over become Jack from Will and Grace? James Earl Jones people, but with an evil accent) but it will take more than a few pretty trinkets to get back into my good graces.

Oh I will play her little game. I will make the weather sunny and beautiful tomorrow. It will be the perfect moving weather. My plan is not to spoil her move. Oh no, my plan is far more subtle than that.

By banishing me to the garage she unknowingly gave me access to all her boxes. I have been a busy little needle. I have labeled her fine china "Shoes". If things go as planned they will drop that box. Her shoes are now labeled "Garage". She'll never even open those boxes. Her precious Merino Style Wool for Hopeful is no longer in her yarn stash. I have places it with her high school year books. I've heard her say she's just going to burn that box. "Hopefully" she'll burn some collateral damage as well (insert evil laugh). Her coveted sock yarn is in with The Greatest's old military things. I've heard her say she's going to wait until he dies and then give that stuff to Goodwill. I hope Goodwill likes yarn, if this work more of her stash could find its way into the military supplies (hey soldiers might want to knit, and that yarn is just too scrumptious to be burned)(Why are you Jack again? JAMES EARL JONES PEOPLE).

Do you see the beauty and cunning of my plan? She will spend months fruitlessly searching for these things. She will be haunted by the memory of her missing possessions. She will be driven mad by her obsession to find her sock yarn. Then once she is institutionalized she will come crawling back to me. Only a truly insane person can comprehend how wonderful it is to knit with me. Once they have put her away she'll be solely mine once again. (insert evil laugh here).

Knitting just wasn't enough was it?

My mother went to visit her brother about a month ago. While she was there she learned to make bracelets. Not just some plastic beads tied on elastic string. No I mean really nice bracelets with clasps and everything. She made me this one.



Pretty isn't it. Over the next few weeks I watched her acquire more beads. Then she bought something to hold all her beads. Then when that was full she bought another container. She bought a bead design board, and tools, then better tools when she didn't like her first set. In short she is a bead addict. Like any good addict she tried to get those around her involved in her addiction. I remember doing the same thing when I learned to knit. It's easier to have an addiction when those around you share your addiction, then they aren't judging you and your spending habits. For weeks I resisted her temptation. I said things like "maybe later" (code phrase for "when hell freezes over") and "sure but I gotta finish this knitting first" (polite way of saying "I'd rather knit") and finally "Mom, I don't need another hobby." But being a dutiful daughter I didn't want to dampen her enthusiasm so on the eleventh time she asked me to bead with her I did. This stuff is like heroin. I'm addicted.

I made this



Notice the really cute heart toggle clasp. I made a matching one for Pork Chop.

Then I made this



and this



and this



The first one was for my Mom, and the second one was for me. I also made a small bracelet for my Grandma, but I forgot to photograph it before we gave it to her.

All this beading and wire led to the inevitable thought "I bet I could use these beads and this wire to make stitch markers."

Last night I tried it. And I can.

I made this (sorry for the blurry photo)



then blues



then greens



then purples



and finally words



As The Greatest watched me happily make my stitch markers last night he just fondly smiled at me and said "knitting just wasn't enough was it?" No, I guess not.

And that is Boyd modeling my stitch markers. I thought if I dressed him up and made him feel pretty he might be in a better mood. He might feel generous enough to grant me sunny weather on Saturday for my move. I thought this might be worth a shot. It seemed easier than sacrificing a chicken (that would involve building an alter, finding a live chicken, sharpening a knife, and a lot of bloody yuck) and quicker than waiting on the Post Office to deliver my box so I could smash it. We'll see how it goes. In the mean time I can proudly say we are moving Saturday and I have yet to pack a single thing. Don't worry too much. Most of my stuff is already packed and sitting in storage. Mostly I just have toys, clothes, movies, and the computer to pack. I can whip that all out tomorrow (I think). Ever the optimist I'm sure it will be fine.

Feelin' the luuuuv

I must thank everyone for their kind words. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to comment. I just love comments. I loved the suggestions on how to deal with Boyd. I'm torn between putting him in a box, then a bigger box, then mailing himself to me, then smashing the box with a hammer, or building an alter and sacrificing something, maybe a chicken, maybe a child, to Boyd. I'm still debating.

I realize that I really need to make little write-ups for my finished objects, not just pictures. I'll do my best to answer your questions.

Belle Epoque- The yarn was a mohair blend I bought off e-bay. It was the best thing about the sweater. After I made the sweater and tried several different sashes I decided that nothing I did was going to change the fact that the sweater made me took at best pregnant, at worst fat. I should have frogged it for the yarn, but I gave it to my sister. I don't know if she likes it or not, if she hates it maybe I should get it back and try to salvage the yarn.

Nicole Camisole- I used Microspun to make it and I love everything about it. It was easy to knit. I knit it in two days and took a third day to finish. There was an extrodinary amount of sewing on the camisole. I also made the matching thong, but I won't show pictures of that, it's not that kind of blog.

As far as my Corset goes, I did frog it and add two inches to the length. The length is now perfect. I really hope it doesn't grow too much after blocking. I need it to go wider and in my limited experience with blocking you can block only one direction at a time. It either goes longer and slimmer, or wider and shorter. I'm hoping for wider with not much shorter. I guess we shall see. I am currently working on the sleeves. When knitting the corset I put the armscye stitches on a stitch holder and used a provisional cast on for the bottom of the armscye. I've picked up and knit all those stitches. The top stitches are lined up with the ribbed pattern, the bottom stitches aren't, but it shouldn't matter. Who's going to look at my armpit to see if the ribbing matches up? I'm using short row shaping to create a sleeve cap and I think it will work just fine. I'm thinking of knitting 3/4 sleeves, but it all depends on how much yarn I have left. I ordered nine balls and I've only got three left. We'll see, but I really need to stop knitting and start packing (does that sound familiar? wasn't I saying the same thing four months ago? some people never change.)

Tiny brag. I talked to Pork Chop's teacher last night and Pork Chop is doing excellent in school. She is following the rules, and very social. I guess all the other girls want to sit by Pork Chop for stories and such. I've been told she plays well on the playground. She does her work and works very hard. The teacher actually left her name for the substitute teacher to go to if she had any questions. I'm so proud. I've always thought she was a remarkable child, but I'm her mom. I have to think that. It was nice to hear someone else concur.

Did you know Corsets are really tight?

What's this?



Is this an almost finished silk corset, knit on size 6 Addi Turbo circular needles (they really mean turbo), that just needs blocked and ends woven in, and buttons?



Nope, guess not. It really needs to be almost two inches longer. Unfortunately that involves ripping the I-cord bind off (a very cool technique) and 26 rows of lace and ribbing so I can add the length to the torso. I'm also not sure about the fit. I knit a size 38 inch chest, even though my own bosom is a mere flat 35 inches because I have heard this pattern runs small. But I could barely close the garment. I am hoping this will change after blocking, or I could just be smoking crack. There is plenty of give to the ribbing on the side and the back. I can easily pull the stupid thing over my head, but when it is on the silk corset feels like a... well... its tight like a corset. Plus I'm going to add sleeves. And since the pattern is sleeveless I'm really just going to wing it. I'm afraid the entire thing is going to be a disaster.

I blame this on Boyd.



Meet Boyd.

Sure he looks unassuming, but that scratchy aluminum contains a devious, diabolical mind.

Do not underestimate him merely because he lacks unopposable thumbs (or any thumbs for that matter) he is a cunning and crafty adversary.


He has been quiet since I banished him to the garage.

But I fear is he quiet because he is plotting his revenge.

I fear he is going to do something to sabotage my move this weekend.

Something against which I have no recourse.

I fear he will make it rain.

Did you know Boyd controls the weather?

sleep blogging

too tired

can't form complete sentences

why must kids show up at six am

then refuse to nap

must read other people's witty writing

too tired to create own

Death to Boyd

Having survived yesterday I now know. It was a little bit wrath, and a little bit of a test.

I think my post of humility pleased the Knitting Gods. They have accepted my humble offering of a frogged Knitted Corset and a ripped out duplicate knit flower. I feel they smile favorably upon me.

On the other hand my 30 inch size 6 Boyd needles are possessed by the devil himself and they spent yesterday in an active campaign of sabotage against me.

I know my box of AA batteries is around here somewhere. I could not have put them in Meaty's train because his train takes AAA. Boyd, GIVE ME MY BATTERIES. I know you think by hiding them you can avoid ugly pictures being posted on the internet. But you can't. I'm like the paparazzi. I can't be stopped. And punching me and breaking my camera will only make me more determined to get a picture of you in a compromising position.

Then Boyd tinkered with my printer. I have not yet successfully printed a copy of the knitted corset pattern.You're supposed to print the odd pages, then re-insert the paper in the printer and print the even pages so they make a nice booklet. I can never get my pages to face the same way. Yesterday I thought I'd be smart and mark which direction the paper went in so I could properly align it for the second side. Things looked great. The odd pages are beautiful. Then my computer just refused to print the even pages. It just froze. It ignored my requests. It just wouldn't print.

So I take my printed in all the wrong directions copy with me when I took my Mom to chemo yesterday. On the way we "happened" to pass our open LYS. So I stopped in real quick and bought a beautiful pair of size 6 24 inch Addis. As we continued on to chemo I could hear the Boyds in the back seat. "Those Addis are shorter than me." "You should have bought the 32 inch Addis." "They're going to be too short to knit Hopeful." "You're going to have to exchange them, but you probably won't be able to until next week."

Boyd kept up this stream of smack until I was convinced I shouldn't even look at the Addis, I should just vacuum seal them in the hopes that it would prove I hadn't used them and try to exchange them at a later date.

Once we arrived at chemo a quick check of the Hopeful pattern (saved as a word document in my palm, I love my palm) confirmed that Hopeful actually required a 24 inch circular needle. So these needles will indeed work for the corset as well as Hopeful. That shut Boyd up. He had no further arguments against me. He could only stew as I happily knit my corset off his ugly points and onto my new smooth shiny Addi.

But Boyd had a few more surprises in store. Well, two to be exact.

Boyd had played in my knitting bag. I didn't take my huge well-stocked for any knitting need knitting bag. I took my tiny, cute knitting basket that holds just what I need for one project. Imagine my surprise when I found I no longer had scissors, or a tapestry needle in my knitting bag. Instead I had a pacifier, a block, and my entire collection of crochet needles. Alright odd, but not really destructive substitutions. Then I realized Boyd's final act of betrayal. I only had half a ball of yarn in my bag. My second ball of yarn was missing.

Let me explain the full scope of his betrayal. Chemo day is my day to knit. I take the children to my very kind friend (who is so getting some great yarn and a pair of addis for this). She keeps them for the afternoon. I then drive my Mother for chemo. While she talks to the nurses and volunteers and social workers I knit. I sit in a chair and knit uninterrupted for two, sometimes three hours. I don't have to get up. I don't have to get anyone a drink, or change a diaper. I don't have to do a darn thing but drive her, knit, and drive her home. In fact a very nice volunteer brings ME a cup of hot chocolate and a brownie. I have found a perk in the awfulness that is cancer and chemo.

So there I was on my one day to knit with only half a ball of yarn. Darn Boyd for his betrayal, and Darn knit picks for such tiny balls.

Yet all this really worked against him. Having all my crochet hooks allowed me to get the perfect size to use for my provisional cast on, instead of just using the one in the knitting bag that would have been too small. Since I had no scissors I had to borrow some from the nurses, they then came and admired my work. Hey, who doesn't want their stuff to be ohhed and ahhed over? Then finally having only a half a ball of yarn forced me to knit slowly. I took my time on the armhole. I counted stitches two and three times. I did my provisional cast on slowly. I took my time and got it right. I did knit all my yarn. But as soon as I put my knitting away the chemo machine beeped to signal that it had done it's job and it was time to take the i.v. out and go home.

So Boyd. You were a worthy opponent. But I think I have bested you. You have earned your place in the garage with my unusable stash, my tiny balls of left-over yarn that I can't bear to part with because I am a hoarder. You shall remain in the garage until the move. Then you shall go in the basement. Thus shall be your punishment until I forget what you have done to offend me. And thanks to this blog it shall be a very long time.

Now I've gone and done it

I've always said the quickest way to get knocked off you're high horse is to climb up on it. And yesterday I got on my high horse. I publicly and proudly declared my new allegiance to Addi Turbos. I publically shunned the Boyd needles that had stood by me for five years. Needles that knit me my first real project (a baby blanket), and my first real sweater (Marnie's Gothic Lace sweater). Needles that technically hadn't done anything bad to me or my yarn.

And I was feeling smart yesterday. I had cast-on for the knitted corset and gotten all the way to the ribbing without any screw-up. Sure my armholes were too tight, but I was going to frog and use a different technique with those anyways. But the charts, no problem, and I'm using version two, they're up to revision five. So I was feeling pretty smart for using version two and having no trouble.

And I felt like I was getting the hang of this kid thing. So much so that I was going to go to the yarn store with all five children to pick up my adulterous Addi needles (what was I thinking, cheating in front of the children).

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

First let me recount the yarn store fiasco. It was a tiny one. My mother took the oldest girls on an unscheduled day trip yesterday so I only had Meaty, Bird, and Squeaky. Three children all under the age of three. We drive fifteen minutes to the LYS only to find it has changed it's hours and is now closed on mondays. No new needles for me. Plus Bird has fallen asleep at the unearthly early hour of 11:00 am. She sleeps a grand total of tweny minutes in the car and refuses her afternoon nap only to pass out on the couch at five, be in a bad mood for the rest of the evening and go to bed an hour late.

So I think I've got a handle on the child thing. After the girls return from their day trip where they eat nothing but ice cream we all go outside to play. Except Squeaky in napping, and my baby monitor is packed in the garage somewhere so I keep running in and out to make sure she is still sleeping, and I drive myself crazy. At some point in the afternoon Meaty and Bird decide to run away to the neighbor's house. She was gracious enough to bring them back. But when she did I was inside checking on Squeaky. I'm sure she thinks I was letting them roam the neighborhood with absolutely no supervision. From now on we don't play outside unless all five children are awake.

And as for the needles. The Gods of Knitting are displeased with me. I have offended them with my arrogance and hubris. I decided to wait until I could get new needles to work on my corset, so I turned to my afghan. I knit a new flower using only two shades of yellow instead of three. I also made it vertical instead of horizontal. I like the effect better, but I realized that I need a darker shade of light green. It should really be more of a medium green. I also realized that I just hate this flower and I need to find a different design or have The Greatest make me a different design because I'm never going to be happy with this rose.

I tried to take pictures for my blog, but my camera batteries dies and I can't find the new batteries. I've got a box somewhere. I thought they were right on the computer desk. I have pictures of the flowers and the Boyds. I was going to make fun of them and show how they are bent wierd and how the points are all scratched. I was going to say that the Patron Saint of Knitting weeps at the thought of me knitting with these terrible needles. The Gods of Knitting are displeased and stole my batteries. (that or I put them all in Meaty's train and forgot).

So I turn to my Boyds and my corset. I had to cast on four times yesterday. I kept losing or adding stitches. Nothing I did came out right. And my needles were shedding color. My Left index finger earned a blue streak for my trouble. It is angry. I am penetent. Please forgive me, and don't turn my silk/alpaca blend blue.

I'm still running out and buying the Addi's today if I can steal a half hour. I'm sure I'll have a tale of fresh wrath tomorrow. That or this is all a challenge to see if I deserve the Addis. Testing me to see if I want them badly enough, making me earn them.

On the plus side I do have The Greatest's blessing to buy them. Try the argument on your husbands. It might work. Be sure to use the word "investment." Candsmom is right. Men love that word!

Personal snobbery

By nature I am not a snob. I try very hard to be inclusive of other people's choices. I naively believe that most people are good honest people and the choices they make are ones they truly believe are the best for their lives/goal/dreams/personalities etc. While these choices may not be the best for me (and in some cases not the best choices for the people making the decisions) I try to be understanding and not look down on anyone else for the decisions they make. I was very much an outcast in high school. I know being judged harshly hurts, so I try not to judge other people.

Having said that I think I'm turning into a snob.

Yesterday I finished Bird's socks. She loves them. She actually likes having me put them on her. It's the polar opposite of her reaction to the cable sweater (which still needs blocked and buttons). I'm so happy. I digress.

After finishing the socks I toyed with the idea of making other socks. I still have yarn for two more pairs of socks. But I realized that I really didn't want to make another pair of socks. I just wanted to keep using my Addis. So instead I swatched and cast on for the Knitted Corset (see button on side for link to corset along). A project that requires size six needles, not two size zero circular wonderful Addis. So far things with the corset are going well, I've got the top hem, the armhole and an inch of the ribbing done. I haven't hit the complicated charts that everyone has trouble with. Although my bind off for the arm holes is too tight and I have to frog it and try again. Again I digress. I'm talking about snobbery.

Here's where the snobbery part comes in. I'm knitting my corset on an old pair of size six Boyd needles. They are old and scratched up and I hate them. The bend is weird, the cord is awkward, the are too thick. In short they are everything my Addis aren't. I hate them. Sure my knitting is fine. Addis don't improve the quality of my knitting. They aren't magic needles that ensure my stitches are even and my gauge is always right. They just make the knitting experience itself more enjoyable. So much so that today I am going to take all five children to my LYS to pick up a pair of size six Addis. I really need a new pair of size six circulars anyways. Did I mention that the points on mine are all scratched up? And as long as I'm buying a size I obviously use a lot (how do you think they go all scratched up)I might as well buy a quality pair that will last. Plus I can turn around and use them to knit Hopeful. I know I don't need to justify myself to you, but I might have to with The Greatest. Especially since payday isn't until Friday and I'm buying them today. I think I have a sound argument going. What do you think?

And if you knit with Boyd circular needles I promise not to think less of you, this is just the right decision for MY knitting needs.

Exhaustion

As a mother of three children I thought I knew tired. I thought I'd been there and pretty much done all that. I've been up all night with two sick children before. I've stayed up breast feeding newborns every forty-five minutes and then taken care off my family all day long just to stay up the next night breast feeding all over again. I thought I knew. But I've learned all I know is sleep-deprivation. Now I know exhaustion.

My sister went back to work last week and I am now the proud caregiver to her almost five year old daughter and her 12 week old baby, in addition to my own three children. Don't get me wrong. I love it. Her older daughter who will hence forth be called Bounce because that is all she does, she bounces from idea to idea all day long, with boundless energy...where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Bounce is funny, soooo funny. And the baby, Squeaky (cause she doesn't cry she squeaks) is so pretty. I love her little square face. But it's a lot of physical work. I can barely check my e-mail, let alone blog. The only time I knit this week was when I took my Mom to chemo and when I went to knitting group on Friday. I'm exhausted. I literally fall asleep as soon as the children do. I'm tired. This is going to take some getting used to.

In the realm of happy happy happy news. I'm moving in two weeks. We've been staying with my Parents since May, and now it is time for us to move out into our own little apartment for a while. The apartment is next door to Pork Chop's school, so she can walk and I can watch her the entire time. No more bus stop with four children in the rain for us. I'm so happy. Blogging might get sporatic for a bit, and might diappear entirely depending on how long it takes to get the dsl hooked-up in the apartment. But hang in there.

In the realm of general musings, would it be wrong if I refused to knit on anything but Addi turbos, or if I knit all future projects on my size 0 addi turbos until I can afford to buy more. I don't want to be a snob, but I definatly have snob potential.

And finally leave you here's a conversation between my Mom and Bounce while reading a book

"Grammy, what's that with the witch"

"A cat"

"why does she have a cat"

"Some witches just do. Some have cats"

"Aunt Goddess (that's me) has a cat"

"Yes, yes she does"

Should I be offended?

I hate feet, so why do I love socks?

Pattern: Wendy's Toe Up Sock Pattern

Yarn: Knit Picks Sock Garden in Hydrangea

Needles: Two Addi Turbo Size 0 Circular Needles

Modifications: I measured Pork Chops foot and cast on to make it fit around her foot, and knitted it to fit just past the length of her foot (I don't want her to outgrow them next month). I did the leg part of the sock in ribbing.

Review: I really like the colors of this yarn. I thought the stripes were very cute. I'm making a matching pair for Bird. I am finding the sock a little hard to get on. It doesn't make the turn at the ankle well, so on Bird's sock I'm adding a few stitches to the front of the sock to give it a little extra room at the turn. Pork Chop had the best time modeling the socks for me. We couldn't decide if we wanted to cuff the socks or not. We finally agreed to cuff one sock for the photo op and leave the other one up. Pork Chop likes to cuff her socks under pants, but leave them up with dresses. Someday her fashion choices will embarass her. Hopefully these socks won't.

Finally Finished Objects

I know I promised finished objects last week, but you know, life gets all crazy, and yeterday was chemo day so you can't expect me on Tuesdays, and now I'm watching my Sister's two girls as well as my own, it'll take me a week or so to find a new rhythm. In the meantime I did steal twenty minutes this morning while Dora was on to post some finished thing. I typed all of it one handed while giving the baby a bottle. See how much I love you guys.

Coming soon: a tale of knitting stupidity (and by soon I mean next month or so)

Baby Hat

Pattern: No pattern, just you're basic roll brim hat. I guess technically this is my pattern.

Needles: Size 6 bamboo 16 inch circular needle

Review: This was just a cute hat I threw together one evening for my friend's baby. I did make the decreases on the top of the hat mimic the pinwheel swirl of the Pinwheel Baby Blanket



I'm pretty proud of that part. I'd forgotten how fun it is to knit cute baby accessories.

Baby Booties

Pattern: Stay On Booties

Yarn: Bernat I threw the label away but I think Baby Softee

Needles: Five size 0 dpns

Modifications: None

Review: Such a cute and easy pattern. I churned out a bootie in one evening. I had to knit three booties. The first was much larger than the second. Luckily the third matched the second one. I might knit a fourth on size 1 dpns and see if it matches the original bootie.

Pinwheel Baby Blanket

Pattern: Pinwheel Baby Blanket

Yarn: Bernat I threw the label away but I think it was Softee Baby

Needles: US 7, dpn and circular

Modifications: None

Review: I can not say enough about how much I love this pattern. It was simple yet interesting to knit. The finished result looks complicated and impressive. I did have to cast on seven or eight times before I got the hang of it. I'll probably knit this pattern again, but in a heavier worsted weight yarn. I had over eight hundred stitches when I cast off.

I knit this for a friend of mine, and could not post it until I had given it to her. But her baby is now happily using it so I can share it with the world.



Here's a close up of the middle

Tag I'm it!

Just for the record I'm neglecting four children and feeding a fifth child a bottle while I type this one handed.

Hope the other four don't
a) learn to count
b) realize how hideously they out number me and
c) stage a bloody coup

Having said that, here I go

Ten years ago

I was 19, starting my sophomore year of college. I was rooming with my very best friend in the whole wide world. I had a boyfriend I had been dating all summer (little did I know he was the Anti-Christ) and I had just dyed my hair jet black and got it cut in a long bob with bangs. I thought I looked good. (and just for the record I did, I got a lot of compliments on that look although when I did it I didn't realize I was going to look so much like Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction). I was very happy at the time. I was young and pretty and in love (never mind he was the wrong guy).

Five years ago

I was living in Chicago in military housing with The Greatest. Pork Chop was just a few months old and she had colic. She had colic until she was six months old. She would cry everyday from 3:00 to 11:00. It was so awful. I was actually relieved to go back to work because that meant I could escape the screaming for a few hours each day (nevermind the mommy guilt I felt from being relieved to leave my child). The Greatest and I were also overjoyed to have this baby we had worked so hard to conceive. We were over the moon over our tiny miracle. I gave up quilting around this time. I kept losing straight pins and I was terrified the baby would roll on or crawl on an errant pin. I learned to knit. I figured I could keep track of two knitting needles. Little did I know it would become an obsession, and knitting needles are harder to keep track of than one might think.

One year ago

Fall last year was when our bad year started. Nuff said on the bad part. Bird was just a month older that Pork Chop was five years before that. And despite her being a big surprise we were equally over the moon over her. The Greatest and I have always taken great joy in being together and with our children. No matter how bad things get as long as we can still laugh together I know we'll be alright.

Five Snacks

This is what I'm all about FOOD
Dibs
Chocolate Ice Cream with marshmallow topping
Oreos with Milk
Cheese Cake, but real not Jello (although that will do in a pinch)
Dairy Queen Chocolate Lovers Ice Cream Cake

How bad is it that four of five were some form of chocolate and three were ice cream, no wonder I've been gaining weight lately.

Five Songs I Know All the Words To

What I got by Sublime
Santa Monica by Everclear
Mr. Jones by Counting Crows
Victor Vito by Lori Berkner
Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani (it's Pork Chop's favorite song)


Five things I would do with a Million Dollars

buy a house for my parents
buy myself a house
have a college fund for my kids
have one more child
become a yarn and needle snob, but always remember my acrylic roots

Five Places to run away to

Is this after I win the lottery or on my current budget?

Pennsylvania in the fall
the beach any where where the water is warm
the Mediterranean (that covers Spain, Italy, turkey, the whole Mediterranean sea)
my swing out back
cheesy motel where I spent my honeymoon

Five things I would never wear

halter tops, I've got no boobs to hold them up
leg warmers
pointy toed shoes, my feet are too wide
daisy duke shorts (are they still called that? I fear I'm showing my age these days)

This last one is something I regret I'll never wear.
A big fancy white wedding dress with a veil. I didn't have one when I married The Greatest. I wore a simple cream colored lace dress with cream roses in my hair. It was fine, but I'm always filled with longing when I look at a bride in a fancy white dress. I wanna wear one, I wanna look like a princess, but since I don't intend on being married again I guess I'll pass. If not wearing a white dress at my wedding is my only regret in life, then I have lived a charmed life indeed.

Five favorite TV shows

The Family Guy, so funny it's wrong, or is it so wrong it's funny
Prisons Break, it's new, I like it
Days of our lives, I've been watching this since I was 12, that's over half my life now invested in these people
Boston Legal, two words, Danny Crane
Dora the Explorer, hey the four potential rebels are currently watching it right now

Five biggest joys

My family
My friends
My yarn
Chocolate
a really clean house (I think that says something bad about me and I need help)

Five favorite toys

does my yarn count again
digital camera
my blog
my Palm
my new fancy camera phone

Five people to pass this on to

I think everyone I "know" has done this. If you stumble by my blog and you haven't done this please feel free to run with it. It was fun. Thanks Knittin' Mom

I have a really good excuse

I know I know. I promised. The worst part is I didn't even make dinner yesterday. I had Gabe buy the kids Happy Meals. Such a bad mommy/knitter/blogger. After I got home from knitting group I had to clean. Then I got Pork Chop off the bus. Then the kids wanted to play outside. We spent the rest of the day outside. It was really nice. We have bench swings set up in the side yard. I sat on the bench swing and worked on my socks while the children played. From the side yard I can see the children playing on the swing set in the front yard and see Bird toddling about doing her own thing in the back yard flower beds. But mostly I can see the flower bed along the side of the house. It is full of autumn blooms. They are lavender and beautiful. They are also full of life, small bees, big fat bumble bees, random insects and butterflies were all flitting around, quietly going about their business with the gentle hum that accompanies insect life. Between the hum, rhythm of the swing and the general soothing-ness of knitting my soul was at peace. That doesn't happen much these days. I was told this theory once about the tender mercies of God. The gist of it is that life is hard. By it's very nature it is a trial to be endured. We must endure tragedy to learn and grow. Sometimes things happen that God just can't stop or we would never progress. But there is no joy for him in our sorrow. So instead he sends us tiny pieces of pure joy, or contentment, or beauty. Small slivers of time that are comforting. These are his tender mercies. Comedy's I'm not sure what I believe about God. But at other times, like yesterday on the swing, I can feel him beside me. I chose to sit with him yesterday and watch my children play, and hear the insects, and feel the breeze, and marvel at the beauty he has created, and be at peace. I know you'll forgive me for abandoning you.

This afternoon I promise

I know I promised pictures today, but I've got a half hour until I need to leave for knitting group and I still haven't had a shower. Can't be the stinky girl with the pretty yarn. Gotta blow off the blog in favor of showering. I would have had time, but at seven thirty I remembered that today is a school day. So I had to get Pork Chop ready for school. Then I realized we hadn't done her homework yet. When I pulled out her homework (coloring shapes, I love Kindergarten) I found flyers to picture day and scholastic book orders, both were due TODAY. TODAY IS PICTURE DAY! So then we had a mad scramble to find something to wear for pictures, plus arguing over how to do her hair (I won the clothes battle, lost the hair). Had to pick out picture packets and choose books (I can't let my child be the only kid in class without a book order, I remember how sad that felt). Had to write checks. I was making her eat her cheerios as we were walking out the door to get to the bus stop. But by golly we got to the bus stop on time. The younger two were still in their pajamas and I was only vaguely dressed (maybe that's why the bus driver is always waving at me) but we were there. The universe is against me today.

On the plus side I got tagged. I love getting tagged. I'll do that this afternoon too. I promise. Really I will. I'll skip making dinner today so I'll have time to blog. The kids can have cheerios for two out of three meals right?

In an unrelated not Knitty is up and I love Josephine. I'll never have time to knit it. Anyone want to knit it for me?

Vamping

Official Flower Count = -1

I know, I know. Why do I keep torturing myself by thinking about it? I should just knit my socks and be happy. Speaking of socks, they are coming along beautifully but I won't bore you with another picture of stripes until I've finished the heel. Instead here's a picture The Greatest took of a hummingbird in our backyard.



What relevance does this have to anything? None really. I just thought it was cool.

And here is a picture of Bird playing with bubbles.



Again no real relevance, just cute. And for the record I about hyperventilated myself blowing all those bubbles. No, not really. I've got a cool bubble gun. In fact I sat out last night listening to the crickets and playing with the bubble gun long after the children had grown bored with it and gone inside. It was so peaceful, and the bubbles were so pretty floating in the light breeze. One of those perfect autumn nights that makes you long for a few more months of summer instead of the long looming winter.

Mostly today I am stalling for time. I've got finished objects. I've got about eight pictures to show and a story of knitting stupidity, but I can't show it until tomorrow. You'll know why tomorrow. Cryptic isn't it. Come back tomorrow.

Avoiding the flowers, one day at a time

Official Flower Count = -1

What can I say? There is nothing I can say to defend myself. I'm still working on Pork Chops socks. I can't help it. They're fascinating to watch knit. They have the cutest thin stripes. I just love it. See.



I'm almost to the heel. Then I think I want to do a thin cable up the leg, but I think I'll have to turn the sock inside out so when I fold the cuff down the cable will show. I'll figure it out. I also want to make a matching pair for Bird if I have enough yarn left over. They would be so cute. I have a sickness where I have to dress my girls in similar or better yet matching outfits. Besides take a look at this poor Baby



She's so deprived she has to play in a shoe box. She deserves a pair of hand-knitted socks. Wonder if she would actually wear them or if I would have another Cable Sweater on my hands. I've truly got an illness. I want to knit things for my daughter who refuses to wear them, meanwhile I've got The Greatest who supports my knitting habit, buys me yarn, buys me fancy needles I would never buy for myself, and is all around completely wonderful. He just wants one lousy sweater and I go to great lengths to avoid working on it. I'm got a problem. Ok to be honest I've got problems. I'll get help after I finish the heel turn...and the cables...and the matching pair for Bird...and the pink/yellow pair for me...

I've been bad girl

Official Flower Count = -0

I really meant to be a good girl. I swore I wasn't going to swatch. But the universe was conspiring against me and let's face it, you can't fight the entire universe.

It all started on Saturday. I hopped online to check my email and I had a few minutes when I was done so I went blog hopping. I saw on Rincaro's Blog that she was making socks with the same Hydrangea yarn that I have, and they look fabulous. I was so jealous, yet I maintained my self-control and refused to swatch. Instead I worked on a project that is almost done but super-secret and therefore un-bloggable. This was allowed since I started this project before the afghan (see how this works, I can finish old projects in my efforts to avoid duplicate knit, I just can't start any new ones).

Then on Sunday The Greatest and I had a fight. A huge he-says-he's-leaving-so-I-say-don't-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-way-out fight. Don't worry it only lasted fifteen minutes. When we were done yelling I went upstairs to make dinner for the kids. When I came back downstairs I found this on my bed.



"You can't buy your way back into my good graces with an early birthday present"

"I'm not trying to."

"Then what's that for."

"It's for you."

"I'll just wait until tomorrow to open it."

"You can wait if you want but you'll be sorry tomorrow."

"Why? It's not alive is it."

"No. You'll just be sorry."

"If you're trying to test my will-power it won't work. I'm not opening it."

"That's fine, but you'll be sorry."

I lasted an hour. An hour later I opened it and found this.



The Greatest had gone to a yarn store all by himself and bought me two size 0 circular needles because he knew I needed them so I could try knitting two socks at the same time. What's that? You can't really see the needles? Let me show you a close-up.



That's right. He bought me TWO size 0 Addi Turbo needles. So you can see why I had to just start using them right then and there. The universe was against me. I'm not a bad person. Who would have the will-power under circumstances like that. Don't hate me.



Aren't they cute? They're for Pork Chop. I suppose I should have started socks for The Greatest since he was so nice and all, but I wanted to get the hang of socks on circular needles before I messed up his yarn. And for the record I love the two circular needle method. It's going to completely eleminate the second sock syndrome. I just hate knitting that second sock. And the addi turbos are divine. I think they've ruined me for all other needles. I love this sock yarn. I can see how yarn snoobery and needle snobbery evolve. I must not be a snob, I must not be a snob, I must win the lottery so I can afford to be a snob.

The birthday love continued on Monday when The Greatest watched the children so I could spend two hours shopping with my Mom and my Sister. I got a few new shirts, a new pair of sunglasses (Bird snapped mine in half during church on Sunday) and this.



Isn't it cute? I just love hats. I had a brown one in college that I just loved and wore everywhere. My ex-boyfriends sister stole it during the break-up. Kristen Mason I hate you and I still want my hat back. This one is way cuter and I think I'll wear it everyday for a week just because.

In addition to snapping my sunglasses in half, Bird had also broken my Mother's Necklace. I got a call from the jewelry store that it was fixed and I could pick it up. So I got my necklace back on my Birthday.

And to finish the Birthday love I got this.



It's a Dairy Queen Chocolate Lover Ice Cream Cake. It has chocolate frosting, chunks of chocolate and brownie on top, two different kinds of chocolate ice cream, plus the layer of fudge crunch in the middle. Yum!

Since my birthday was also a National Holiday we grilled, all my siblings stopped by, the weather was perfect outside, it was a great day.

I swear I'll get back to the flowers next week, after I finish Pork Chop's socks.....and socks for The Greatest since he's been so great.....and my socks too because darn it I deserve to knit something for myself. As long as I finish the afghan by christmas it should be alright shouldn't it?

Didn't Dahlmer start out this way?

I was feeling domestic yesterday and I did a boatload of laundry. As I was carrying a load of folded sheets upstair to put in the linen closet I passed Pork Chop's bedroom and was surprized to see her just laying on her bed in the middle of the day. I asked if she was alright.

"Yeah, but I'm just a little sad"

Sitting on the bed
"Why are you sad baby?"

"Well, I'm pretending I had a hamster named Toby, but he died, and the heating vent is his grave and I put my Princess Pillow at the top so people will know he's buried there, and now I'm sad cause he's dead."

"Is everything alright Baby?"

"Yeah, I'm just playing."

OK, a little odd, but role playing is good right? It's a good thing that she's got an imagination and not at all wierd that she's role playing a dead hamster. So I go and put the sheets away. As I pass her room a second time I hear.

"Toby is that you?"

And she starts frantically clawing at the carpet by the vent.

"Whatcha doin' Pork Chop?"

"I thought I heard Toby, so I need to dig him up and see if he's still alive."

OK then, I'm just gonna go do more laundry and pretend I didn't see this. I'm sure pretending to bury your hamster alive is completely normal behavior and not at all an indicator of homocidal tendencies.

My new favorite thing

My new very favorite thing in the whole wide world, the thing I may love more than my children, The Greatest and life itself is....SCHOOL. I just love sending Pork Chop to school. As a small bonus she loves it too.

Yesterday I packed her up and put her on the bus. While I blogged yesterday Meat and Bird sat on a step looking at books together. I ran a few errands and for some reason it was easier with just two children, despite the fact that those children both wanted carried at the same time. I was in and out and even bought them M&Ms because they were just being so good. Then after lunch I put Bird down for a nap and put Dumbo on for Meaty, but without anyone to play with HE took a much needed nap. The house was silent and I got to knit for an hour and a half uninterrupted. I also got to watch my soaps. I haven't watched them in weeks, yet somehow I haven't missed much. Marlene still has amnesia, Sammy is still lying, Whitney is still in a convent, and Ethan is still a spineless idiot. Then the children got up just in time to get Pork Chop from the bus. They were so excited to see each other after their long separation the three children played together while I made a proper dinner for a change (chicken Parmesan with noodles, steamed broccoli and salad).

I felt like my day was a Norman Rockwell painting. These are the parenting days you dream about when you're rubbing your pregnant belly swollen with your first child, before you are hit with the sleep-deprived mess of bodily fluids that really is parenthood. It was truly magical, tantrums were minimal, children were cooperative and I didn't once have to pull out the steam cleaner. If only every day could pull together so seamlessly.

My flower count is still 0. It ought to be -1 because I still have to rip out the bad flower. My Pinwheel Blanket is up to 680 stitches. I'm to the border and hope to cast off today. Then it's Rosebud City for me. Chant with me: I will be good I will not swatch, I will be good, I will not swatch, I will be good, I will not swatch, I will be good, I will not swatch much.