Leggings Don't Judge

So in keeping with my desire to feel more in love with my life I wore leggings.

And I loved them.

Leggings do not judge.

Of course when getting dressed leggings are only half of the equation.

An appropriate torso covering is required as well.

Today that appropriate torso covering emerged from the depths of The Abyss.

This yarn first appeared on my blog is June of 2015.  But that project was destined for failure.  I tried again in the fall of 2015 as part of the Joji Fall 2015 KAL.  I knit the sweater in time to qualify for the prize drawings and everything.  But instead of entering my finished object I threw it in the Abyss where it sat for a year and a half waiting for the ends to be woven in.

Cause procrastination and self sabotage are how I roll.

One of my least favorite parts of blogging is staging pictures of myself.  I decided to pose knitting on the couch.  But when I went to check the frame someone else decided she wanted to knit on the couch as well.

While the Queen possess many various talents, knitting is not in her skill set yet.

A quick intervention was required.

She was not pleased.

Look at that look she's giving me.

I love this tiny tornado.

I'm on the fence about this sweater.  It has everything I love.

Look at that texture.

The cables!  The ribbing!  The textured stitch!

I love the shape of the sweater

The slightly oversized body with the fitted sleeves.  The way the back dips a little lower than the front.

Usually the make or break factor for a sweater is the sleeve length.  Did I nail the perfect sleeve length?

I did.

Everything is there.  Everything I love is there.  I should be living in this sweater.

So why am I withholding my love?

The yarn,

It was acrylic yarn I bought at big lots.  Huge score getting a sweaters worth of yarn for five or six bucks.

It's even a lovely shade of grey.

I do love a good shade of grey.

I could get weird and maybe a little dirty here, but I won't.

My children might one day read this blog.

Back to the yarn: its not even a really bad acrylic.  It isn't scratchy.  Its holding its shape well.  I was kept warm in my sweater today.

It just feels weird.

And I can't come up with anything more specific than that.

I just feel weird when I wear the sweater.  Like the yarn robbed an ancient burial ground and is now being haunted by a vengeful spirit who is just biding its time watching and waiting and creeping me out before it makes its move.

I feel wrong in this sweater.

Also my neck bind off was almost too tight.

So there is that too.

I need to knit this pattern again.

In a natural fiber.

I may be turning into a yarn snob.

My leggins won't judge me if I do.

Thank goodness leggings don't judge.

Dreams Do Come True!

I'm not going to lie

It's everything I thought it would be.  And more.

It's oh so quiet and peaceful and perfect for that beautiful slice of time after the children go to bed but before The Greatest comes home from work (working the swing shift is not for the faint of heart).  That precious hour where I can pee all by myself and eat the secret ice cream without sharing.

I've discovered I need a footstool or otterman of some sort.

The cat scratching post will work for now.  Until I think of something better.  And by better I mean prettier.  Way prettier.

Speaking of cats, my fat cat was furious with me for sitting in her chair.  She turned her back to me to express the depths of her displeasure and loathing for me.

But it turns out if I'm in the comfy chair fat cat gets desperate enough...

To use the cat bed.

This my friends is what winning looks like!

On the other side of the room Fluffy Cat was absoutely delighted to have the entire king size bed all to herself.

This may also be what winning looks like!

Yes.  We are going to knit such beautiful things here together.  Yes we are.

Because Of Course I Did

Let's recap the current status of my works in progress

Twisted Flower Socks

Currently abandoned in the Abyss.   The twisted stitches are beautiful and challenging.  And as bad as this is going to sound, I'm just going to say it:  I don't feel like being challenged right now.  I need more easy in my life.  Plus I'm not sure where I am in the chart anymore, so that kinda sucks and holds me back as well.

Fancy Holiday Sweater

Currently abandoned on a shelf in my closet.  I need to frog it back but since the Holidays are over and I have missed my window in which to wear my sweater on an actual holiday I feel no urgency to complete it.  Maybe I should remind myself that Valentine's Day is swiftly approaching.  And red just happens to be thought of as a traditional Valentine-y color.  But no.  Still not feeling the strength of destroy all those hours of knitting.

The Good Sweater

Currently abandoned inside a trunk, project bag and all, for want of sleeves.

With all my current works in progress not only abandoned but also hidden from sight and mind, now seems like the perfect time to cast on something new.

I have been nurturing a little obsession with the idea of a fingering weight multicolor shawl.  There are tons of them on Ravely.   Briochealicious, Color Affection, Assana Wrap, and Tailwind are just a few that have tempted me.  Seriously though, Briochealicious is gonna be a thing that happens someday.  But for now I've decided on Find Your Fade.  I love the shape and size, and that fact that it will leave me with lots of left over sock yarn, as I have recently found myself in need of lots of left over sock yarn.

When choosing which colors to use I decided throwing all my sock yarn on the floor would be a good way to start.

Not gonna lie.  I was tempted to strip down and roll around on it.

But I resisted.

My life is full of regrets for the things I did not do.

Then I started lining up possible color combinations.

I found out I own a crazy amount of Knitpicks Hawthorne Yarn.  Yet, I do not own a single pair of socks knit from Knitpicks Hawthorne Yarn.  Wonder how that worked out.  Should I knit an all Hawthorne shawl?

Or all pinks to red?

or shades of blue?

Not gonna lie, this one almost won.

I was also tempted by this color combo.

But this is the one I settles on.

Four fades in and I think it is beautiful

Alternating sections of garter stitch and garter stitch lace.

Easy knitting.

Just what my soul needs.

And because I want to brag, The Greatest has been doing the traditional post-holiday cleaning for me (which is how I made so much progress on my shawl over the weekend  I knit while he cleaned.  I got the good end of that deal).  Taking down decorations.  Deep cleaning the kids room.  Bleaching the bathrooms.  He even did the quarterly culling of the kids clothes, making sure everything in their drawers fit and was weather appropriate.  He really is The Greatest.  And just for me, he created this knitting space in the corner of my bedroom.

Things worth noticing:

• Beautiful trunk full of yarn where The Good Sweater is taking a nap
• Cat bed
• Cat napping on chair ignoring comfy cat bed
• I honestly think the colors of my cat blend a little to well with the colors of my home decor.  It really is unhealthy how well she coordinates.  

I'm going to knit such beautiful things here while I hide from the kids in my bedroom watching grown up tv with all the swear words.

I can't wait.

Recreate and Repeat

So my love for Pinterest is infinite and knows no bounds.

The Greatest has come to loathe the words "So I saw this thing on Pinterest..." because it means I've found a new project for HIM to do.  But in my defense there are so many things I want to do from Pinterest I can't possibly do them all myself.  I'm sharing the work load.  Isn't that what marriage is all about?  Having someone to make the heavy labor Pinterest projects for you?

I recently saw this pin on Pinterest

And it resonated with me.

I've been tired.

Really really tired.

Three years of not sleeping through the night will do that too you (a saga that belongs on my other blog, if I ever get the time lol)

I don't have anything left.  I have no patience.  I have no desire to do the things I love. Or even just the things I have to do.  I have difficulty remembering things and concentrating on things, so doing things seems to take so much more energy than it used to.  I know it sounds a lot like depression, but I've been depressed and that's not this.

I'm just so very tired.

My children think I'm in a constant bad mood.  They come home from school every day asking how I feel and if I'm in a good mood.  This makes me unspeakably sad.  I'm not in a bad mood.  I'm just too tired for a good mood.

My well is empty and I need to refill it.

I need to recreate and repeat.

This refills my well.

It is probably the worst, and the most real photo ever to grace my blog.  Sweet cheese and crackers it isn't even in focus.  I didn't check the lighting.  I did no staging.  Half eaten plates, empty wine glasses decorate the table.  I've only got an eye brow in the frame.  But I love this picture.  Pork Chop was babysitting all of our kids that night.  She sent me the cutest picture of all the children eating pizza, so this was our response.  The grown ups table.  All the adults playing hooky for the evening.  I had trouble getting dressed to go out.  I couldn't find anything I wanted to wear.  My favorite jeans were dirty.  My back up jeans didn't want to go up past my thighs.  I cried to my group chat where they helpfully reminded me "leggings don't judge."  So I wore leggings.  And shirt that said "nothing to wear."  I embraced where I was in life.  And I wore my ridiculous stiletto cut out booties that I love and insist on wearing everywhere since I don't have anywhere special to wear them.

So the take away from this, the things to recreate and repeat are:

• leggings (no lie, I bought six new pairs the next week, including a pair of jeggings.  More leggings?  Done!)
• ridiculous heel (does this mean I get to wear my heels more or that I get to buy more heels?  It's a win win either way)
• and night out with friends.  Must schedule more nights with friends.

And thinking of things I wore that I loved...I loved how I looked today

For reals its nothing special.  I spent five minutes on my make up.  Even less on my hair.  But I felt pretty.  And I love my floral kimono.  Wearing kimonos makes me super happy.  They're like knit cardigans (which I own an abundance of), but slippery.  And I always get complimented on them.

Recreate and repeat?

• buy more kimonos.  
• Like one a week. 
• It's good for my soul.

This morning I fixed The Queen's sneakers

The velcro tab was sewn on poorly and ripped right off the first time she wore them.  And of course the first time she wore them was to physical therapy, so she had barefoot PT that day.  Another Mom in the waiting room saw what happened and shook her head saying "you need to take those back."  And maybe I should have.  But she was assuming I had any earthly idea where the receipt was.  Which I don't.  And finding the appropriate receipt from the depths of the diaper bag or the drawer where I shove the receipts when the diaper bag gets too full felt like a Herculean task.  Not to mention standing in line at customer service with the Queen is my own personal version of hell.  The Queen has a finite amount of time she is willing to behave in the store, and that finite amount of time must be squandered on running around buying luxuries like milk.  The last time I had to return something to customer service it was such an ordeal I cried.  I don't want to deal with customer service ever again.  (see, little things feel so exhausting) So I fixed the shoes.  I sewed the velcro back on.  It took ten minutes.  But those ten minutes felt like me.  Or the version of me I want to be.  I don't discard broken things.  I fix them.

Recreate and repeat?

• find ways to avoid customer service at all costs
• be crafty
• ????
• profit?

Speaking of being crafty, I finished the body of my Good Sweater

Right now it feels like my "meh" sweater.

I'm not feeling it.  

It's probably because it needs sleeves.  And the collar isn't sewn down so its weird in the back.  And it needs blocked so the edges will stop curling.  

But the sleeves are knit from the top down with short rows and I just don't wanna do it.  And must we once again list all the reasons I hate blocking.   I love the end result but I hate blocking.  Hate hate hate it!  I don't wanna block it and you can't make me.

See even knitting feels like a chore right now.  

Send sleep!

And kimonos!

Catching up on all the good stuff

So another holiday season has come and gone.

With no blog post.

Bad blogger.

I have to confess I never felt very Christmas-y.

It was all there.

All the parts of Christmas were there.  We had the trees.

The school Christmas pageant where our very own Sweet Pea had a speaking role (which she rocked!  I'm so proud of my girl).  We had entirely too much candy and too many cookies.

We had family, no only my Dad and Stepmommy, but my brother came too!

We had Christmas lights, and presents, and love.

And I wasn't feeling it.

What's wrong with me?

It's probably the exhaustion.

Or it could be the fact that I never finished my super awesome holiday sweater.

I reblocked it to see if I could make it more of a dress.

I think it's still a touch on the short side.

Plus it makes me look pregnant.

I'm not loving that.

So I need to rip it back to shirt proportions.

I just don't have the heart.

In the mean time good things happened

My baby turned 3.

 And my baby turned 9.

And my baby turned 14.

The Queen started Preschool

I got another cat (phase two of my transformation into a crazy cat lady: complete)

We rang in the new year

Surrounded by my bestest friends

So all good things here.

Just need to frog that dress into the shirt it was meant to be.

As soon as gather the strength to destroy.