Monday, April 20, 2009

In Memorium

Well, today's the day.

The three year anniversary of my Mother's Death.

I don't feel like talking about it, but it is all I think about. All I've thought about for the better part of a month.

I'll be glad when today is over.

Grieving is a strange and almost cruel process. Sure you move through the five stages, but then you backtrack. I appear to be back in the "anger" stage of grief. And it is starting to feel like a permanent state of being than a passing stage.

And I'm not angry like the "anger" stage of grief would suggest I should be angry.

I'm not angry at my Mom.

I'm not angry at God.

I'm not angry my Mother died.

I'm just angry. At everything.

I'm tired of being angry and yelling all the time.

I bet my kids are tired of it too.

The Greatest just hugs me when I yell.

Sometimes he really is The Greatest.

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I miss my Mom.

8 comments:

Jen Anderson said...

I'm so sorry.

LilKnitter said...

I'm so very sorry. She was very lucky to have you for her daughter.

Heidi said...

I don't blame you a bit for being angry.

She looks like a beautiful woman. :)

zippy said...

When I read stories like yours, it gladdens my heart to know that there are women out there that have had good relationships with their mothers (you with your mom, you with your daughters) and it gives me hope that I can build a good relationship with my daughter despite the lack of a good one with my own mother.

I read somewhere that it doesn't matter what kind of relationship you had with your parents, you will miss them when they are gone...I often wonder if I will miss mine when she is gone...?

Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

I miss her too! She was a wonderful person and I'm glad she got to visit us before her passing. We did have a blast! Try writing down something great about her everyday and see if that helps.
love you!
Aunt Julie

Bezzie said...

I never know what to say to posts like this. I'm sorry just doesn't seem to cut it. Big hugs.

Stephanie said...

I loved your mom, she was a wonderful woman and is watching over you every day! Try to relax and just let the little things happen, and try not to let them get to you. I wish you were still here in Ohio and I could drive out and give you a great big hug! I miss you! I even wrote a very long blog post about you the few months ago...not sure if you read it or not.

shiguy4076 said...

I'm sending you hugs lots and lots of hugs. You're mom was a beautiful person and so wonderful. I'm grateful to have known her and to know that she raised such a beautiful and kind daughter who is a excellent mother just like she was. Hugs mama.