Monday, June 30, 2014


You will all be happy to hear that it may have taken a few tries.

(it was five)

And there may or may not have been a bit of swearing.

(there was)

And I may or may not have sent the children to bed early so they would stop talking to me while I was counting.

(I totally did that)

(and I'm not ashamed)

But I have successfully cast on all 311 stitches

Look at those pretty pretty stitch marker.  I love using beautiful tools. 

(I'm shallow like that)

Time to knit a Tardis chart!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

FINALLY Or Maybe #finally


Praise the Lord!

I have finished the time vortex lace chart!

You will be seeing this picture again on Friday as this is definitely my happy moment for the day.

And I'm off to start the next chart.   I wonder how long this one will take me to knit.  I swear I feel like this scarf has me trapped in a time vortex.

I find myself singing as I work.

"This is the scarf that never ends.
It just goes on and on my friend. "

And now you can all carry that little ear worm with you as you continue on your way.

I'd say I'm sorry.   But I'm not.  This is the place where I would hash tag #sorrynotsorry on instagram.

Random fact: I love hashtags.


I have done enough damage for one day.  I'm off to pick up 311 stitches.

If you are so inclined you might want to pray for me.

Friday, June 27, 2014

You Know What Time It Is

A weeks worth of happiness is seven easy pictures.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

I Think She's Winning

This girl is on FIRE!

Her scarf is already taller than she is.  So if you're counting along at home, that is two scarves in less than a week.

I may have created a monster.

A monster Hooker.

As a devoted knitter I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.  Mostly I think I feel just fine.  But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that there is a tiny piece of my soul that yearns for her to step away from the hook and pick up two clicky needles.

I, on the other hand,

am making minimal progress on my scarf.

It is no where near as tall as I am.

For some reason this scarf is refusing to be knit.  The pattern is Bigger On The Inside and I am truly starting to wonder if this scarf isn't stuck in some kind of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey vortex.  I knit and knit and knit, and I don't seem to be getting  This scarf isn't even for me, and yet it seems to be sucking the life right out of me.

But I'm wearing my puple Batman shirt.



With glitter.

So there is that.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

She earned it!

Her new ball of yarn is bigger than her head.


I want a ball of yarn that is bigger than my head.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Confessions of a Lousy Knit Blogger

I admit it.

I've been far to busy here...

to get much of anything done.

But can you blame me when life looks like this...

Silly me.  I thought things might slow down now that school was out, but we are busier and crazier than ever.  There are constant sleep overs.  Seriously, constant.  Kids come and they stay for days. Sometimes a week or so.  I love it.  I love my adopted kids.  But I'm also tempted to get their social security numbers so I can claim them on my taxes.  Squishy has the usual number of weekly appointments, and by usual I mean at least 4 a week.  We are burning our way through our summer bucket list with swimming and popsicles and fro-yo.  Life is good.

And busy.

As I type this I look like this.


I've reached an age where I really ought to start using filters on my photos.  Notice how I've mastered the art of holding the bottle without hands!  Go me!  As Bird would say I'm a "professional" Mom.

Squishy has about an ounce to go, so my one handed typing had better get a move on with what I'm really here to share.

I haven't been crafting but that doesn't mean that stuff isn't getting done.

Bird wanted me to buy her some more yarn.

I flat out refused to buy her yarn until she made something with the yarn she had.

I know.

I'm such a hypocrite.

And I said it had to be something more than just a crochet chain.

Because I'm just the meanest Mom in the whole entire world, that's why.

So this morning, while I desperately tried to pump, and eat breakfast, and wash some laundry and fit in a shower during Squishy's nap, Bird sat down with the newest season of "My Little Pony." (Because she's already learned the best crafting is done while marathoning a tv show on Netflix) and she whipped out a scarf...

for Sweet Pea.

Looks like there will be some yarn shopping in her future.

Lucky girl!

Friday, June 20, 2014

Thursday, June 19, 2014

A Declaration of War

It all began in the wee hours of a Tuesday morning.

I was up in the middle of the night with the squishiest of squishy babies.  We had rolled through our usual routine.  Even though her urgent cries had pulled me from my bed she would sleep peacefully on the couch while I was milked like a cow.  She would then drink a bottle of milk before returning to sleep.  At this point I would have been up for an hour or so and I would be hungry.  So I would eat my first breakfast (not to be confused with my second breakfast, which I would eat around 7 a.m. Like a normal person.  Or a hobbit, since it is a second breakfast.)

I was cleaning up my pumping parts/putting away my breakfast dishes when I saw it, a fluffy ball of white thread on our tall counter.

"How odd" I thought, since despite the fact that I desperately need to sew Squishy's baby quilt while she is still a baby and will fit it, I had not done any sewing, and there was no reason for a ball of fluffy white thread to be on my counter.

I leaned closer and that was when I realized the fluffy white ball of thread had eyes.

And legs.

Lots and lots of legs.

Holy hell the fluffy white ball of thread was some sort of mutant hairy white black eyed spider.

KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fortunately for me I'd had an encounter with a cricket earlier that morning and the fly swatter was conveniently on the counter, right within arms reach.

I wielded the swatter with all my might, slamming it down on the counter with all the force my body could produce.

In an stunning counter move the spider evaded my blow and swung from the tall counter down to the regular counter and was lost behind the bottle warmer.

I tried to tell myself that the entire encounter was a sleep deprived hallucination.  And even if the spider had been real and if he was feeling vengeful for the failed attempt on his life my bed was far from the kitchen, and I went upstairs to sleep.

I only laid awake thinking about the disastrous encounter for an hour or so.

And I might have cried.

All was quiet for four days, I'd almost forgotten about the creepy creepy spider squatting in my house.

Then I got up early in the morning with a certain squishy baby.  She was toying with the idea of sleeping through the night, and this time it was around six a.m. We keep the measuring cup for the bottle warmer full of water at all times for faster bottle warming.  I dumped the water in the warmer, pressed the magic button to warm Her Majesty's milk, and turned to refill the measuring cup.

And then I screamed.

Perched right on top of the faucet was a fluffy white ball of thread.

With eyes.

And legs.

I whacked and whacked and whacked at the faucet with the fly swatter.

Despite the fact that I could not find the remains of my enemy I was sure my frenzied attack had to have destroyed him.  With extreme predjudice.

And even if he hadn't been crushed, surely I had wounded him, and he had merely crawled off to his hiding place to die.

Triumphantly I texted The Greatest to let him know I had killed the "creepy ass" spider all by myself.

And I only cried a little.

A week later I was sitting on the couch being milked like a cow.

I felt a little tickle on my arm.  I figured it was a stray hair and I absently brushed the back of my arm trying to find it.  I hit something and turned to look and




Frantically I whacked at it with my bare hand.  I know I hit it.  I know I did.  But it kept on running.  Right off the couch, and then under the couch.

Frankly I'm surprised I didn't drag the couch outside onto the driveway and light it on fire.

I certainly didn't sit on the couch for a few days.

And I may or may not have stayed awake at night wondering if it was the same spider or a family of white spiders squatting in my home.  And if it was the same spider did it have super powers?  How was it still alive?

The very next day I saw it.  It was on the kitchen ceiling just above the fridge.

Watching me.


I called for reinforcements.

I don't call him The Greatest for nothing.

He took the fly swatter and made a single targeted attack.

He swears he made contact.

There were a smear on the ceiling where the spider once was.

But without a body I can't be sure.

I can't be sure it is really dead.

I can't be sure it isn't hiding.



Building his army.

I may have to burn the house down.

Its the only way to be sure.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Posts Full of Nothing

So lately we've been doing a lot of this...

 The weather is over 100.  If we aren't hiding out in the air conditioning we are in the water.  In between daily dips I did manage to finish this...

Better pictures to come!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Let's Show Off The Knitting

Pattern:  Emma's Shawl from Literary Knits

Yarn:  Crystal Palace Yarn Kid Merino

Needles: Size 4 Caspian Needles

Modifications:  None, just gloriously knit as written

Review:  This is one gorgeous piece of knitting, if I do say so myself.

(And how cute is my model!  I made that too!)

I love everything about this shawl.  Knitting it was a joy.  Miles and miles of endless knit stitch.  I haven't slept through the night in six months.  I'm pretty sure I was actually asleep when I knit most of this shawl and was working by muscle memory alone.

I was unsure about the colors when I began this shawl.  I usually knit with solid or semi-solid shades.  I very rarely knit anything besides socks with variegated yarn.  I feared I was creating lacey technicolor clown barf.

One of Pork Chop's friends assured me this was most decidedly not clown barf.  At the very least it was unicorn barf.  Which I hear is way better.  All talk of barf aside, I love the way these colors played together.

See!  So pretty.

Squishy loves it too!

Her joy was so great she forgot her deep seated hatred of my camera and I managed to catch the ever elusive...


I loved this project from the first stitch to the final woven in end.

Maybe someday I will knit this pattern again so I can have an Emma Shawl of my very own.

This project was not destined to be mine.  It was a gift for a woman whose friendship I cherish.  I hope she loves it as much as I love her.

And I've already cast on and almost finished my next project...a sweet summer dress for Squishy.

If I'm lucky I'll get to blog it before she outgrows it!

Friday, June 06, 2014

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Try Try Again

Can I be happy for 100 days in a row?

It turns out I can not.

I can be happy for 92 days in a row.

And then I will be hit with a stomach bug.

An epic stomach bug.

It had to be epic because I don't do anything half way.

It started with me puking into the trash can in the mens room of a quaint little Vietnamese restaurant in the middle of a fancy going away party for a dear friend who is moving.

Not to be indiscreet or grossly graphic, but I was puking into the trash can because I was already using the toilet.

My friend calls this a "North and South" bug.

For fourteen hours I puked.

And prayed for death.

I'm fairly certain that nine hours in I puked up my spleen.

That's alright.  I'm not entirely sure I was using my spleen anyways.

Even when the puking stopped the "Southern" aspects of my illness remained for several days leaving me weak and severely dehydrated.  I have a nurse friend who is convinced that a week later I still need IV fluids.

In all this mess I didn't pump and I most certainly didn't have any happy moments.

So close and yet so far.

You know what they say...If at first you don't succeed...

You can look forward to another three months of Fridays filled with happiness.