Thursday, March 31, 2005

Knitting is in her blood

My friend bought Pork Chop a knitting machine. Wait it's not just a knitting machine, it's a pink and purple BARBIE knitting machine.

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Too bad it's broken. It didn't have instructions so I got some online, and from what I can tell it's missing a bunch of stuff to hold the tension. The little wire that holds the yarn directly in line with the rotating needles is also broken. We've managed to get it working if I hold the yarn in place, and maintain the tension while she turns the handle. She loves it! All it knits is big long tubes. She knit this for her Grandma for Easter (Grandma don't look!) Too bad we were sick and didn't get to go.

Does anyone know how to repair a Barbie knitting machine. She's driving me crazy wanting me to hold her yarn all the time. Doesn't she know I have my own knitting to do (speaking of which I got 7 inches on my camisole done yesterday! pictures tomorrow) And does anyone know what to do with all the tubes, they come in one size fits all. We've thought of scarves, little purses, a baby hat (but only for a newborn) a doll dress, and maybe socks if I can put elastic in the top. Any other ideas, anyone, anyone?

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Another thing they forgot to mention in the brochure

Is this a dream?

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Nope, it's my family at 5:30 this morning. Meaty is sick and not sleeping well. At five he decided he'd had enough and wanted to watch Elmo. All his screaming woke the Bird. So here they are in their focued glory.

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Did I mention that during "Sugarfest 2005 Part I" they got chocolate on the camera lens, so all my pictures came out like this yesterday. This is a picture of ribbon that will be mentioned later.

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Speaking of yesterday I was busy. I had a block party. Here's Belle Epoque

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My shapely tank

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And two, count em, two matching socks all blocking

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While I was waiting for my creations to dry I made these to go on Belle Epoque

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We decided the sweater is so long and blue it needed a contrasting sash to break up all the blue. We found a very pretty cream ribbon, but it made the blue look dingy, so we settled on white. You can't really see it in the picture but there is a very nice white flower on white ribbon pattern to the ribbon. Hopefully today I'll get a chance to sew the sash onto the sweater, if I can get a break from the fever twins.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Sugar hangover

Easter was kinda a bust for us. We got very sick and were unable to go to Grandma and Paps for their HUGE Easter Egg hunt. We were all ready too. We had plastic eggs filled with candy and we dyed Easter Eggs to hide

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Dying the eggs was so much fun. The kids were so cute. I took pictues of that too, but I had the kids dye the eggs in their underware and that's not appropriate for public viewing.

As a child my mother always hid our baskets and left us rhymes on the kitchen table to help us find our baskets. As we grew older the clues got harder and sometimes led to several locations with further clues. It was so much fun. My Mom is the greatest. This is a tradition we are keeping with our own children. And as I sat Saturday night trying to make up rhymes I realized how freaking BRILLIANT my mother is to have made up new, increasingly harder rhymes each year for four children. This is the rhyme The Greatest wrote for Pork Chop

Your basket is hidden
We wouldn't want to spoil it
So we won't tell you
it's in the ________

Then taped to the toilet he wanted to leave

We're only kidding
so quit your bitchin
your basket is somewhere
in the kitchen

We didn't use those rhymes (although we might save them for when they're teenagers). The kids had more age appropriate rhymes. I saved them, then forgot I was saving them and threw them away last night. So the world will never know what rhymes we used. The kids did find their baskets,

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and much sugar was consumed by all.

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Bird discovered you can eat a chocolate egg with the foil still on if you try hard enough.

Here's our dog. Doesn't she look pathetic. She can't figure out why she didn't get a basket too.

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Friday, March 25, 2005

Dvd players in the backseat

The Greatest has an intense desire to recreate his childhood for his children. He wants them to play the same sports he did, play with the same toys the same way he did, and make all the same decisions he did. Basically he wants his son to be a little mini-me. I keep telling him that ain't gonna happen. His parents and my parents made many child rearing decisions that were vastly different from one another. I am NOT saying that either set of parents made better decision than the other. His Parents did a damn fine job because the end result was this man that I love so much it isn't healthy. And I like a lot of the decisions my Parents made. I've got great childhood memories and I think my brothers and sister and I turned out pretty well as well, thank you very much. We borrow parenting skills from both sets, plus we do quite a few things our own way. We also do different things with each child because they respond to different things. I just can't wrap my head around this need The Greatest has to have his children be just like him, especially as they get older and in high school (let's remember here our oldest is FOUR. I've got ten years before high school). I keep telling The Greatest that the children aren't going to do everything like he did because their parents aren't his parents they're us. And even if his parent were raising our children that's no guarantee they'd turn out just like him, look at his little brother. I love his little brother, but he's not The Greatest, he is himself. And our children aren't being raised in the eighties. I'm sure every generation struggles with this, but the world is a very different place now. My children will never know a world with the Cold War (I used to have frequent nightmares about a nuclear holocaust and tried to find out as much as I could on how to survive in a post nuclear world). My children will never know a world with out Aids. They will never know a pre-Columbine world where classmates weren't armed, or a pre-9/11 world where the U.S. was safe and impenetrable. Or worse, they won't realize the significance of such events because they never saw how the world was before. There are also lots of good things they will grow up with that I never had like palm pilots, TiVo (which we don't have, but I love the idea of pausing live tv), or the internet (never read Mommy's blog) or a world where cars didn't have dvd players in the backseat. In my random musings this is my real reason for blogging today. I love the dvd player in the backseat. On a long trip this is the result

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I love my kids, but they're easier to love when they're asleep and quiet. Look at their sweet round cheeks. A world with dvd players in the backseat can't be all bad.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Curse of the Palm?

When my Father upgraded his palm pilot he gave me his old one. Well, that's not exactly true. First he gave it to my older brother who didn't like it. Then he gave it to my little sister who never used it. Then he gave it to my little brother who found it to be a pain in the ass to use. So being out of children he offered me his old palm pilot. And wouldn't you know I love the stupid thing. I think the best feature is I can download my knitting patterns onto it and carry it around in my knitting bag and look very high tech. But I also like the address book and date book. Since I have started using the date book I find myself with more appointments. I've got a couple theories about this
1. We're just really busy right now. We're trying to sell the house and that makes for a lot of showings and meetings with appraisers and inspectors and such. Once the house is gone things will calm down.
2. I've always had this much to do, I've just never documented it before
3. Since I've been keeping track of things on my palm I actually show up for things. Since I am now being more reliable people are relying on me to do more.
I actually think it is number three, thus the cursed palm. I'm afraid if I keep using it I will suddenly have a schedule so full I'll actually have to pencil in time to neglect my children. Regardless I love the stupid thing. Thanks Dad!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Stupid Freakin Socks

I'm making The Greatest a pair of socks. I have little interest in knitting his sweater right now, and a huge mental list of projects I would rather be knittings. I decided that if I knit him a pair of socks they would be done rather quickly and appease him while I neglected his sweater for a few months to persue other interests. I finished the first sock with no problems. It looks great.

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The picture doesn't really do it justice, but it looks great. Here's a closer look.

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I took very careful measurements and it fits his foot perfectly. I'm very proud of myself. And of course since I have made him one sock and it is perfect, I have zero interest in knitting the second sock. But I just can't be that mean and abandon his barely started sweater as well as his half done pair of socks. So I have been working very hard to finish his sock so I can move onto more fun projects. I finished the heel on the second sock on sunday and finally got to sit down yesterday to work the leg. But as I knit I kept thinking something was off on this sock. I keep careful notes on all the patterns I work and always use a row counter, so things should have been fine. But I laid the second sock next to the first sock and discovered a problem.

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Can you see it? The Greatest tried it on and the second sock is indeed much longer than the first. I'm such a perfectionist that I told him I would just have to rip the entire sock out and try again. He suggested I just rip down until the sock is about the same length as the first one and then start the heel. But then *gasp* the row count on the two socks would be different, and they wouldn't be exactly the same. I think he's tired of waiting for me to finish something for him, because he then suggested that I just keep knitting and he would fold the excess sock under his toes. I just love him so much. I'll probably just rip it down like he suggested and then keep going from there. If I ever do socks again I'll have to learn to knit two at the same time on circular needles. My attention span isn't long enough to do a second separate sock.
Here are some pictures Pork Chop took of her cousin.

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They had the best time together: model and photographer. I'm so glad we have the digital camera, otherwise we would have to spend her college fund in film and development.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

This is for Jacki

I just spent an hour and a half downloading pictures. This leaves me no time to blog. So here's a picture for Jacki.
It's the Bird, guess what she's doing.
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You said you had trouble visualizing this.....She's eating cereal right off the floor! Sometimes it's easier to just spread some cereal on the floor for the kids, like you're feeding chickens, than to bother with actual bowls and spoons.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Neglected blog

I'm sorry we've been busy. I've got stories, really cute stories, and a picture of a finished sock. But it takes me an hour to upload the pictures to go with the stories, and I don't have that kind of time today. I promise, really great stuff tomorrow.
Go to this guy for a good laugh today.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Tag I'm it!

I've been interviewed. The wonderful Jacki has sent me interview questions, so here I go. If you wanted to be tagged for an interview e-mail me.

Okay, here's your interview:
1) Would you rather eat a live spider or go bungie jumping?
Although both include my biggest fears I think I'd rather bungie jump. I think if I ate a spider I would always feel spidery legs in my internal organs. Eww it makes me squirm just thinking about it. If I had to bungie jump The Greatest could push me and that would give him a cheap thrill.
2) Describe your Dream Yarn.
My dream yarn would be the softest of soft yarn, and completely machine washable. It would magically knit in even stitches. And at the moment it would be lavender. (next week I'd probably want it to be lime green, I'm fickle and my whims are easily shifted).
3) What's the best part of being a mom?
Hands down the best part is Sticky kisses! But I also love little voices telling me "Mommy I la loo"(Meatys way of saying I love you), or Pork Chop telling me I'm her bestest Mommy ever when I give her something she wants. I like to see their chubby baby bodies (Bird) grow into sturdy toddlers (Meaty)and then onto child bodies with impossibly long limbs that could never have started out as my chubby baby (Pork Chop). I like to watch them learn new things and see how proud they are of themselves even if it's something I would rather they hadn't figured out (like how to circumvent the child proofing). I love hearing their thoughts and logic patterns. Children are just naturally funny. Oh I just love everything about it, except maybe all the laundry.
4) If you were going to open a yarn store, what would you call it?
Got Yarn?
5) If Pluto is a dog, then what is Goofy?
Goofy is some kinda sick product of beastiality between an un-named Disney Prince and Pluto. He's evolution gone horribly wrong.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Ahoy Me Mateys!

I figured out why The Greatest was so GREAT about the yarn. On Tuesday, the day before I went yarn shopping he found a 55 gallon fish tank just sitting by the side of the road. It had the stand with it. He's always wanted one, so we went and picked it up. We're going to be moving in a few months, and a 55 gallon fish tank is a very heavy thing to move if it has water and fish in it, so I thought he was just going to leave it in the garage until we moved, then we could set it up in the new place. I was wrong. While we were yarn shopping he was cleaning the tank out and ensuring it held water. After yarn shopping when he took me out to get needles, he bought gravel for the new tank. I should have seen it coming. He set the new tank up in our bedroom. Did I mention the tank looks like a treasure chest?

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Here it is from the side.

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I must admit the kids love to look at the fish throught the portals.

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This picture was taken through the portal, if you look you can see Meaty on the other side of the tank.

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Here's our lonely Oscar, his name is Sid Viscious.

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Here's out algea eater: Teptune

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I should have know he wasn't moving Sid from the ten gallon to the fifty five gallon just to give him room to grow. Yesterday we went out and bought Sid some friends.

Meet Oscar the Grouch

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And the Spanish Twins: Jesus and Jorge (the white fish)

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All in all he spent more on fish than I did on yarn. But I couldn't say a word because he was so nice about the yarn. I should have know the scurvy pirate had a hidden agenda.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I swear I'll do his sweater next

I was a bad girl yesterday. My knitting group went to a new yarn shop, and I got some new stuff. The Greatest really is THE GREATEST. Before I left he told me that if I saw anything I wanted I should go ahead and get it. We are on a super tight budget right now so I just kinda shook my head and said "We'll see." and he stopped me and said "I mean it, if you see something you like just get it." So I did. I didn't go crazy, although I did ask the shop owner if I could strip naked and roll around in her alpaca. She hovered around me the rest of the time I was in the store. I don't know if she wanted to make sure I remained fully clothed, or if she just wanted to be sure she got to watch if I did in fact strip and roll around in her soft yarn.
I was restrained and only bought three things, and none of it in quantities to make a sweater.
This was on clearance and just felt to good not to buy

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I bought this to test the gauge for a future project

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I bought this to make socks for The Greatest

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I'm so excited to try making socks that I started last night. The Greatest just shook his head and took me out to buy some size 1 double pointed needles. He didn't mention his sweater and how I promised to knit it before I started any new projects. The best part about the whole thing is he never once asked me how much I spent. See what I mean about him being THE GREATEST!

I haven't completely neglected his sweater. It's rows and rows of tedious 3x2 ribbing. Here it is so far.

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Pork Chop went crazy taking pictures again. She really does take the coolest pictures. She likes to take still life from unusual angles. I actually want to print some of them in black and white and hang them up. Later I'll make a whole post with some of her better stuff. Here's her self-portrait.

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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Oh how the mighty have fallen

When I was pregnant with Pork Chop I worked with this crazy woman who convinced my pregnant brain that if I let my cat get anywhere near my baby it would kill it. She was rather vague on the details of just how my cat would go about killing my baby, or why the cat would kill my baby, she just repeated her words of doom every day until I was sure the cat was involved in a world wide plot larger than Al Queda to kill off humans by destroying their offspring. When The Greatest set up the crib for me my cat decided it was a wonderful place to sleep, ditto for the bassinet. It drove me crazy. I would throw the cat out of the room, spray her with water. Once I went so far as to take her into the bathroom and hold her under the tub facet trying to get her to hate the crib. I finally just kept the nursery door shut at all times to keep the furry assassin out of my darling Pork Chop's sleeping quarters.

Flash forward two years and we are anxiously awaiting Meaty's birth. The cat once again is napping in the bassinet. She was so excited to see us put it up. It was like she'd found her long lost friend. While I was not excited about her sleeping in the bassinet or crib again I had decided that Pork Chop survived her infancy, so maybe the cat wasn't the sleeper cell I thought she was. We worked out an arrangement where I would toss the cat out of the crib when I found her there or when I walked into the room to put Meaty down for a nap she would voluntarily leave the crib. This arrangement worked.

Flash forward to Bird's birth. Because Bird and Meaty are so close in age the crib was never packed away, just moved from one room to another. This new room is over the garage and slightly colder, so it has a portable heater, thus increasing it's attractiveness to the cat. She no longer bothers to get out of the crib when I put the baby down for a nap, and I no longer bother to throw her out. She hasn't killed any of my kids yet, so if she's a hired assassin working in a plot to kill off the human race she is unually patient, even for a cat. She doesn't curl up with the baby, she lays at one end and the baby lays at the other. But if someone had told me when I was pregnant with Pork Chop that one day I would just put my baby down to sleep with the cat in the crib I would have thought that person was on drugs. Didn't they know about the global conspiracy of cats? Doesn't this look like a ferocious killing machine.
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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Come on ride the train

Don't you think this is getting a little out of control?
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I should have realized in December of 2003 when The Greatest wanted to buy a train set for Meat and he wasn't even a year old yet that this would get out of hand. I managed to talk him out of it that year. But last year I got vetoed by Santa and Meat awoke to this under the Christmas Tree. And don't get me wrong, he loves it, but not as much as his Daddy does. It has been what? two and a half months since Christmas right? You would not believe what Fisher Price has put me through in that time. Meat is unfortunate enough to have his birthday a few weeks after Christmas. The Greatest wanted to get him more train accessories for his Birthday. We bought him the Clock Tower. It is very cool but completely useless without the Elevation Pack. Who has the Elevation Pack? Until Saturday, NO ONE. What followed was a two month search of every toy store and Wal-Mart in the tri-State area trying to find Geo Trax products in stock. Not to mention hours of searching on line for the stupid thing. He also bought every motorized geotrax engine he found during the process because you never know when it will be back in stock. He drove me crazy! But on Saturday his dreams came to fruition. He found the elevation pack, not only that but he found the straight pack AND the ramp pack. The result was this
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Meat's room is not a big room. I couldn't fit it all in one shot, but here's the train compared to his bed
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It's bigger than his bed. Life was good for exactly one day. Then The Greatest got on line and realized he can't make any of the really cool layouts without the Suspension Bridge. Has anyone seen the Suspension Bridge?

Monday, March 07, 2005

Knitting curse is lifted

I have appeased the Knitting Gods. Instead of having knitting group once a week, we held our knitting group twice last week, and the Gods are pleased. They have blessed me with a finished Shapely Tank Top
Here it is in it's unblocked glory with an ugly black tank underneath (cause that's what I was wearing when I tried it on)
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Now I just need to block it and Belle Epoque, sew the belt for B.E. and then I'll be free to start a sweater for The Greatest. He wants me to replicate a sweater he already owns using this yarn
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(Photo courtesty of Pork Chop)
It's not very inspiring work, but I love him so I'll do it.

Thursday, March 03, 2005


For some insane reason I don't want to use my children's actual names in my blog. I'll put their pretty faces out there for the universe, I just don't feel like making it really easy for the sick fucks out there to get their full name and address. I'm probably not as cautious as I could be in trying to remain semi-anonymous, but I do feel not giving out their names and socials is a good start. It's taking a lot of time to type out My oldest daughter, My son, My youngest daughter. I've decided to just refer to them as their baby nicknames. From hence for they will be known as follows
My oldest daughter who is almost five will be - Pork Chop
My Son who is two will be - Meaty
My youngest child who is 10 months will be - Bird
My Husband will be - The Greatest
And I of course am Goddess. I reign supreme in my house, as I should.
Here's Pork Chop, Meaty, and Bird watching the portable car tv while they eat breakfast

We are such good parents.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

I've found the off switch!

I love my kids, I love them, love them, love them. But I must confess that I love them slightly less at one in the morning. I need atleast nine hours of sleep, ten is better. But since the birth of my son I have been surviving on six hours, and that is interrupted sleep. On a good night the baby gets up only once. On a bad night all three get up multiple times. I'd let the younger ones cry it out but that only results in all the kids waking up, the younger ones contained in their crib or room crying and the oldest at my bedside making sure I'm awake because "Moooom they need you."
The last night was unusual in the way that the baby woke up, ate and then instead of going back to sleep decided to scream unconsolably for a while (I'm sure unconsolably is a word, but it might be a misspelled one). She had eaten peas for the first time that day. She loved them. What's not to love about little green balls that you can eat. She so carefully picked each one off her highchair tray, squished it, then ate it, occassionally rubbing one in her hair for variety. My best guess in the peas gave her gas. I rubbed her back, bicycled her legs, then finally my Husband got up with her and gave her tylenol (incase it wasn't gas) and Pepto Bismal. Then we sat on the couch with her until she calmed down. Here is the amazing part. She stopped crying and I reached over to wipe a tear from her right eye. As soon as I touched her she leaned into my hand and fell asleep. It was instantaneous (where is spell check on this thing). It was amazing. It was a freaking miracle. There is an off switch underneath the right eye. Why aren't they telling you this in the hospital? I could have used this information four years ago when my oldest screamed for hours with colic. I could have used this information yesterday to take a nap. Gotta check and see if it still works on my two year old.

Here's the sleeping beauty standing all by herself for the first time. I know it looks like my Husband's arm is holding her up, but really it's behind her and close so she doesn't fall, but she's standing on her own two cute feet with no help. She'll be walking soon. Three mobile children, may God have mercy on my soul.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Bad knitting mojo

I don't know what I did to piss off the Gods of Knitting, but I must have done something. I was making the Belle Paquita with this

Notice all the tiny balls, you'll understand in a minute. I got the entire bodice and sleeves done in a week and discovered it was too small for my breastfeeding boobs. I looked at the medium pattern and the cast on is actually smaller than the cast on for the small. I looked at the large pattern, but my boobs aren't that big. So I decided to keep knitting the small and hope it would fit in the spring when I get to wean. I went to sew the sleeves into the bodice, and they were way too small. I e-mailed the designer and asked if maybe the links to the small bodice pattern and the medium bodice pattern were reversed and I was trying to sew the small sleeves into a medium bodice. Or I'm an idiot and I'm reading the pattern wrong and doing something wrong which is a distinct possibility. Marnie said she'd check. I just love her, so talented and she returned my e-mail. I think I'll stalk her. But I ended up frogging the entire thing, hence all the tiny balls.
Being unable to knit the Bella I traded a weeks worth of babysitting for this

Four balls of the softest Giesha. But this Giesha is cursed. My friend had already tried knitting several incarnations of a shawl for her Mother-in-Law, but nothing panned out and she ended up frogging it all and trading the yarn to me. I too have started knitting several things with this yarn only to frog it and start again. I am currently on the fifth try to knit a Shapely Tank Top This is how far I am.

It's depressing I ripped it out three times yesterday, stupid dropped stitches. No more knitting while nursing the baby, it's just not a good combination when I'm using 14 inch needles. And why on earth am I using 14 inch needles that are entirely too long and I hate? Because I actually wore out my favorite pair of 10 inch size six needles. I didn't know you could wear out aluminum needles but you can. Once you wear off the color the metal underneath is scratchy and unusable. Who knew? I still need to get ribbon or something for my Bella Epoque sweater. I'll have to get a new pair of needles then.
And since every post must contain a cute shot of my kids here are the girls in their matching Easter Dresses. It's so cute it's wrong, I'm sick and I must be stopped.