I used to be a Knitter with a capital K.
I knit all the time.
I was never more than a few feet from my knitting.
I started as a knitter, small k.
I knit a baby blanket. I knit a few scarves. But I didn't always have to knit. I didn't even always have a project on my needles.
Heck, sometimes I didn't even know where my needles were.
But somewhere along the line a switch was flipped.
I know exactly when too.
Meaty was a baby, a sweet tiny baby. And I stumbled upon a book of baby knits at the library. I became obsessed with knitting every item in that book. I think all the babies in the neighborhood got a baby sweater for Christmas that year. I made (possibly illegal) photocopies of my favorite patterns from that book that I may or may not (if they are in fact illegal) still have. I knit and knit and knit and never looked back.
I was a Knitter.
And I loved it. I knit all the things. I wanted to knit everything in every size. I wanted to try all the techniques, and learn all the cast ons and bind offs and how many different ways can you knit a sock. I loved learning and growing and creating.
It brought such joy and accomplishment to my life.
But now, I'm a knitter.
I can go a week without knitting. I feel it in my stress level, I need to knit. I need that stress relief. But trying to dedicate time to knit only adds stress to my life. It doesn't relieve stress. Thinking about how I want to knit but I'm too busy, or too tired adds stress. Thinking I should knit because it is what I do doesn't add a positive value to my life. It is becoming a negative.
Knitting is something I have to loosen my grasp on.
Not let go.
I don't want to stop knitting.
But I need to let go of being a Knitter.
I am a knitter.
I might finish a project this month.
Or I might not.
I've got a lot going on. And I need knitting to go from something I feel obligated to do to something I want to do if I can, or not if I'm too busy.
I am a knitter.
And that is alright for now.
Seasons change and in a new season I will be a KNITTER once again.