The Greatest has come to loathe the words "So I saw this thing on Pinterest..." because it means I've found a new project for HIM to do. But in my defense there are so many things I want to do from Pinterest I can't possibly do them all myself. I'm sharing the work load. Isn't that what marriage is all about? Having someone to make the heavy labor Pinterest projects for you?
I recently saw this pin on Pinterest
And it resonated with me.
I've been tired.
Really really tired.
Three years of not sleeping through the night will do that too you (a saga that belongs on my other blog, if I ever get the time lol)
I don't have anything left. I have no patience. I have no desire to do the things I love. Or even just the things I have to do. I have difficulty remembering things and concentrating on things, so doing things seems to take so much more energy than it used to. I know it sounds a lot like depression, but I've been depressed and that's not this.
I'm just so very tired.
My children think I'm in a constant bad mood. They come home from school every day asking how I feel and if I'm in a good mood. This makes me unspeakably sad. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm just too tired for a good mood.
My well is empty and I need to refill it.
I need to recreate and repeat.
This refills my well.
It is probably the worst, and the most real photo ever to grace my blog. Sweet cheese and crackers it isn't even in focus. I didn't check the lighting. I did no staging. Half eaten plates, empty wine glasses decorate the table. I've only got an eye brow in the frame. But I love this picture. Pork Chop was babysitting all of our kids that night. She sent me the cutest picture of all the children eating pizza, so this was our response. The grown ups table. All the adults playing hooky for the evening. I had trouble getting dressed to go out. I couldn't find anything I wanted to wear. My favorite jeans were dirty. My back up jeans didn't want to go up past my thighs. I cried to my group chat where they helpfully reminded me "leggings don't judge." So I wore leggings. And shirt that said "nothing to wear." I embraced where I was in life. And I wore my ridiculous stiletto cut out booties that I love and insist on wearing everywhere since I don't have anywhere special to wear them.
So the take away from this, the things to recreate and repeat are:
- leggings (no lie, I bought six new pairs the next week, including a pair of jeggings. More leggings? Done!)
- ridiculous heel (does this mean I get to wear my heels more or that I get to buy more heels? It's a win win either way)
- and night out with friends. Must schedule more nights with friends.
And thinking of things I wore that I loved...I loved how I looked today
For reals its nothing special. I spent five minutes on my make up. Even less on my hair. But I felt pretty. And I love my floral kimono. Wearing kimonos makes me super happy. They're like knit cardigans (which I own an abundance of), but slippery. And I always get complimented on them.
Recreate and repeat?
- buy more kimonos.
- Like one a week.
- It's good for my soul.
This morning I fixed The Queen's sneakers
The velcro tab was sewn on poorly and ripped right off the first time she wore them. And of course the first time she wore them was to physical therapy, so she had barefoot PT that day. Another Mom in the waiting room saw what happened and shook her head saying "you need to take those back." And maybe I should have. But she was assuming I had any earthly idea where the receipt was. Which I don't. And finding the appropriate receipt from the depths of the diaper bag or the drawer where I shove the receipts when the diaper bag gets too full felt like a Herculean task. Not to mention standing in line at customer service with the Queen is my own personal version of hell. The Queen has a finite amount of time she is willing to behave in the store, and that finite amount of time must be squandered on running around buying luxuries like milk. The last time I had to return something to customer service it was such an ordeal I cried. I don't want to deal with customer service ever again. (see, little things feel so exhausting) So I fixed the shoes. I sewed the velcro back on. It took ten minutes. But those ten minutes felt like me. Or the version of me I want to be. I don't discard broken things. I fix them.
Recreate and repeat?
- find ways to avoid customer service at all costs
- be crafty
Speaking of being crafty, I finished the body of my Good Sweater
Right now it feels like my "meh" sweater.
I'm not feeling it.
It's probably because it needs sleeves. And the collar isn't sewn down so its weird in the back. And it needs blocked so the edges will stop curling.
But the sleeves are knit from the top down with short rows and I just don't wanna do it. And must we once again list all the reasons I hate blocking. I love the end result but I hate blocking. Hate hate hate it! I don't wanna block it and you can't make me.
See even knitting feels like a chore right now.