Sunday, December 31, 2006

It's Been A Long December....

I don't do New Year's Resolutions. I've never seen the point. Easy StorageWhy bother making promises that no one expects you to keep? It feels like a lie. Even if the only person you're lying to is yourself. Declaring "Next year I'll drink more water" while deep down you know you'll stick with diet coke is a waste of breath. It's a small little lie, but it is far from harmless. It undermines your mental image of who you are, you become a person who tells little lies. It chisels away at your integrity. It's never a good idea to lie especially to yourself.

And I must confess I've never really seen the point of a big New Year's Celebration. It's an arbitrary date to start the new calender year. It doesn't coincide with the start of the school year, the fiscal year, the Chinese New Year. It's just a day, a day some men a million years ago decided would mark the start of a new year. It's just book keeping. So why throw a party to mark a book keeping event? If that were in fashion we would throw a parade each time I balanced my checkbook.

BeautifulBut I need a New Year this year. This year has been marked by several events that forever altered my existence and divide my life into before and after categories. Before my Mom died, and after my Mom died, before I moved and after I moved, before when I was happy and after...when I wasn't.

I need a New Year. I need a new line in the sand, a line in my life, a new before and after. I need to to circle a date and forever say this is where it all changed for us. I need a red marker on a calender, a line in the sand, a New Year.

I don't have resolutions but I have hopes.

I hope to jump on the trampoline with my children.Someone got a trampoline for Christmas

I hope to laugh again.

I hope to make new friends.

I hope to stop crying.

I hope I knit less (no really, I do, stop laughing, less knitting more living in 2007)

I hope things get better, and we can live the next year with love, laughter and happiness. I hope the same thing for all of you.

So I'm drawing a line in the sand. I'm demanding of the universe that it gets better from here.


Zonda said...

That is a really good post! Onward to a new year!

Take care! :)

Anonymous said...

A friend once told me that you cannot depend on others for your happiness. It all lies within you. Go for it. It's okay to go on and be happy. Your mom would be very disappointed in you not sharing that great smile of yours and going for the gusto in life. Look at the beauty and miracles around you and enjoy them. Fall in love with life again. It's Okay. Love ya!

Bezzie said...

Very good post (although it's kind of hard to concentrate on the meaning when your kids are looking so damn cute in that shelf picture!)

But seriously, I'll take this opportunity to let you know that your anonymous support and words were greatly coveted when I was going thru some of my own craptacular times this year.

Here's to a better time on the other side of that line in the sand!

Katrina said...

I know exactly what you mean about knitting less and living more. I wonder if my kids will remember me as cuddling them with open arms, or saying "wait till mommy finishes this row" all throughout their childhood. Will they come to resent my visiting them as adults and always having that darn knitting bag in my hands? Will they roll their eyes whenever they see knitting needles, and despise them for what they represent: competition for their mother's time and undivided attention? I hope not. So I wholeheartedly agree with putting those needles down to participate fully in life. Knitting has its place, most definitely, but it shouldn't be allowed to encroach on what is most important to us. Bravo to you for declaring that, and for claiming your place in this universe as someone who has faced great loss and shown such strength. You deserve laughter and happiness in your life. Cheers to your line drawn in the sand.

Holly Jo said...

Best of luck with your line and your red circle on the calendar. To happiness in 2007.

Jeanie said...

A most excellent post, and one I can certainly relate to as well (in more ways than one). I agree with the knitting less and living more aspect as well. I tend to get into a zone while knitting which probably makes me less available to my family which is never a good thing. My oldest is graduating this year and I prefer to spend as much quality time with him (and my other two) as I now realize how quickly they grow up.

2006 was an extremely rough year for my family as well (my kids attended 4 funerals, 3 of them for classmates including my oldest's best friend of 10 years) and I for one am glad to see it end. I hate to sound ungrateful (as I know 2006 also held many blessings for my family) but I'm hoping and praying for a better (and funeral-free) 2007.

Candyce said...

I know so much how you feel. I was so in the same place 25 years ago. Three little ones, a move and the monumental loss of my Mom. It does get easier. It does get better.

I would have times when I could hardly recall my Mom--what did she sound like...or look like. Then a cystal clear memory would come to mind and I would be so happy. I tried to have my children know about her as I could see her traits in each of them. Only my oldest daughter was held by my Mom--the others never felt her touch.

I am not much of a knitter--although I would like to try it again. I did it for a brief time as a child when we lived in England. What wonderful wool yarn they had! I do more cross stitching and rubber stamping cards. I am making a sampler for my oldest daughter's wedding. If I was very clever I would include a photo of it--but alas I am not quite there yet...but I day.

So draw that line and draw it will confidence. Go forward!

I love your blog. So many times you express so well what I felt but was not able to express as well. We have so much in common despite the age difference.

I too had a cosy child friendly home.

Thinking of you...Candyce

Candyce said...

P.S. Remember:
"Grow where you are planted."

Sherri said...

AMEN! Have a wonderful year with your kids and I hope it's full of hugs & cuddles & snuggles and very much laughter.

Pyewacket said...

We spent New Year's Day on the beach. Many lines were drawn in the sand. And holes were dug. And dribble castles grew and crumbled.

It was joyful and peaceful all at once, and I wish that for you in 2007.


Penny Karma said...

I hope you stop knitting before you jump on the trampoline.

Lynda said...

I pray all your hopes for this year come true.

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