Tuesday, December 09, 2008


I know you are all anxiously wondering if I got the baby pants done in time for Sweet Pea's first ever Christmas Parade. I did. But I can not show you pictures of them because they are sticky, covered in Candy Cane drool, and are somewhere in the laundry room. I would go in there and get them and take a dirty picture (whew, that sounded bad) but the laundry is piled high enough I'm afraid it is mounting a plot to rebel and fall on me if I dare to enter the room. It's best I leave the laundry to The Greatest who is stronger than me, and carries a weapon on him at all times. It's his turn to quell a laundry rebellion. You'll just have to take my word for it that they were knit in time, and they were adorable.

You'll also have to take my word for it when I say the Christmas Parade was so much fun I don't even know where to start. I forgot to take my camera. I know. I really suck lately. But even if I had remembered the camera the pictures would have been dim or overexposed from the flash (because it was dark) and slightly out of focus (because the camera is still broken). So you will just have to trust me that it was fun and magical, and when we woke Sweet Pea up half way through the parade she was enchanted by the lights. Just as I had hoped. (Until she screamed the whole way home from the parade because she had been woken up. Good times I tell you, good times.)

But that is not what is on my mind today. Not what has turned me to blogging as a way to make sense of the cruel twist fate has dealt me. I am bereft and must seek solace somewhere. And it is abundantly clear I can no longer turn to those I trust the most.

What could possibly be causing me such distress?

The Greatest bought me a Christmas Present.

Now this is not a yearly event. We are poor folk and choose to spend any money we can find for Christmas (through savings, extra jobs, or just stealing from the grocery budget) on the children. Rarely do we buy each other present. But The Greatest insisted this year. He bought me something I desperately want with every cell in my body. It was expensive and I found it difficult to justify spending so much on me. The Greatest would not take no for an answer. After taking me to three stores to pick out just the one I want, he brought me home and had me find the same one online for less. Then He put in the official order for my gift.

So this gift is something I really, really, really want. It is not a surprise. I know exactly what it is. It will be here tomorrow.

So why am I distraught?

Even though he asked me to stay home all day Wednesday to sign for the package I am forbidden to open it. I can not have it until Christmas Day?


I know what it is. This is no surprise. I picked it out. I practically bought it myself (he did toss me his credit card and told me to order it. I refused and said if he was buying me a present the least he could do was actually buy it himself). He now says that since he did buy it he can say when I get it. And Christmas means Christmas. I have to wait.

I argued with him and he suggested I poll my favorite message board. This is something I have done in the past when we have a silly argument. Someday I must tell you about the great sweater vest debacle of 2008. I won the message board battle but lost the war.

To fully understand my grief I must give you some background on my message board. They are no ordinary collection of Internet strangers. We are a close group. We have members all across the country, and one especially beloved member from Australia. We have local Girl's Night Outs. We have a big Girl's Weekend Out once a year. These people are my dearest friends and a source of constant advice, support, and inspiration. They even know my children's real names. I love my board.

When The Greatest suggested we poll my board I laughed. That present was as good as mine. These were my women. These are my peeps. My "MOF-ia." I KNEW they would have my back. I was getting my present on Wednesday.

But these women. My best-est friends. These devious evil women. How they have betrayed me.

Out of 128 members, 47 people voted in my poll. And only five, FIVE said I could have my present. The rest all sided with The Greatest. I would have to wait until Christmas. I have been betrayed.

How could they have forgotten the sacred trust of sisterhood? How could they have forgotten that they are supposed to side with me? They have broken my heart and all but five (you know who you are) are dead to me.

This is not like normal Christmas waiting. I'm not waiting for the hope of a gift that may or may not be beneath the tree. I KNOW what this gift is, and I NEED it NOW!

I know you guys understand where your allegiance should lie. I know YOU will agree it is cruel and unusual for The Greatest to make me wait until Christmas. I know I can trust you to have my back. He should give it to me on Wednesday shouldn't he?


Stephanie said...

Well...sounds like you were jipped! I am your friend and I don't know your site, boo hoo...I would have voted for you! ;-)

Maybe if your persistant...but I know the Greatest, and he is too...sorry!

Miss you guys!

Bezzie said...

I bought myself Adobe Photoshop Elements from my husband b/c I knew the price I found it for he'd never be able to beat. And it sits in the box unopened til the 25th. Because I'm a good girl like that ;-) He on the other hand is the one trying to get ME to open it up and load it on the 'puter!

Anonymous said...

I think you should have to wait. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

You need to wait. You also need to get the Greatest something for Christmas, and make him wait and wonder. After all, he IS the greatest! He works very hard.

marit said...

LOL!!! You have to wait! It's a Christmaspresent- and if you were in Norway, you could open it on ChristmasEve (the 24th), but you're not, so you'll have to wait till the 25th! And you have to look and act like you have NO idea what it is!!!

Lynda said...

Yeah... people get real tough when it comes to Christmas rules.

I ordered my Christmas present from the hubby last week, with his blessing and credit card! - and it is now sitting under the tree, mocking me!