Mystery Sweater Revealed

My kids are sick today. Meaty was up all night coughing. Pork Chop threw up this morning, so no school for her. And Bird has the worst runny nose. It seems to me that at least once a year the children engage in a high stakes game of who can make their own weight in mucus. They compete not only with each other to determine who can create the most snot, but with themselves to beat their personal best from previous years. There's also the side challenges, who can blow the largest snot bubble, largest wad of snot created in a single sneeze, and longest streak of snot across the cheek. For the record Bird is winning that last one with a doozy that stretched from her left nostril to her right ear.

Good times people, good times. These are the memories I live for.

Luckily for you I have something to blog about besides my children's amazing ability to create slime with their very own noses. I have a Finished Object! I wasn't hiding this sweater, it was just a very quick knit. And it's lace, so it counts for Lacevember!



Pattern: Cropped Lace Top from Vogue Knitting Holiday 2005

Yarn: Jagger Spun Zephyr, two strands held together. I can't tell you how much I used because it came from my giant cone.

Needles: Size 3 Addi Turbos, and a size 1 crochet hook

Modifications: Where do I begin with the modifications? Or should I just rant about how crappy the Vogue Knitting patterns are? The original sweater looked like this:



Very pretty isn't it? I fell in love at first sight with this sweater. The lace, the ribbons, the romance. But what's up with all the cropped tops? Haven't we moved passed that? Aren't we out of that phase of fashion? It doesn't look good on anyone. On women with children who have a tummy as an unfortunate but unavoidable by-product of giving birth, it looks bad. On younger women with flat tummies? Well they look like they're desperately clinging on to their pre-teen youth. On teenagers with flat tummies? They look like sluts. And on *shudder* small children? They look like they've outgrown their clothing. It doesn't work on anyone, so why must they insist on continuing to design cropped shirts?

So I lengthened the shirt. I knit 8 rows of lace pattern B per the pattern's instructions, then I knit four rows of stockingnette, 8 rows B, 4 rows stockingnette, 8 rows B, four rows stockingnette. Then proceed to 4 rows of lace pattern C. I also decided to lengthen the sleeves using the same pattern of 8 rows lace B followed by 4 rows stockingnette. I knit 11 repeats of lace B for the sleeves.

At the top of the sleeve cap there are a series of bind offs and decreases. It leaves the top of the sleeve looking like this



Not very pretty, or stable. The sleeve tops kept slipping off my shoulders. So I took a crochet hook to it.



Isn't that a nicer line. Clean and sturdy. I will admit to getting a bit of help with that part.



At the top of the neckline you are supposed to attach a piece of lace ribbon. I couldn't find a piece in the right color, but I did find a beautiful chocolate brown satin ribbon that I thought would match, and coordinate with the ribbon on the sleeves and waist, as well as the tank top I bought to go underneath. But as I prepared to sew it on I decided that I like the neck line as it is without the ribbon. In fact I liked the entire sweater as is without the ribbon.

So all the things that attracted me to the sweater, the lace, the ribbon, the romance, were all things I eliminated from my finished sweater. *shrug* go figure.

You may have noticed that I haven't included a picture of myself in the sweater. This isn't for lack of a photographer. Remember Pork Chop is home sick. I could have her take the picture. But I still wouldn't show it.

The stupid thing doesn't fit.

For reasons I have decided not to delve into (Cold Stone Creamery is run by Lucifer himself, that's all I'll say on the subject), it's too small.

Crap.

Review: Beautiful yarn, after modifying it so it only vaguely resembles the original design: beautiful sweater. Wish the stupid thing fit.