Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Mystery Sweater Revealed

My kids are sick today. Meaty was up all night coughing. Pork Chop threw up this morning, so no school for her. And Bird has the worst runny nose. It seems to me that at least once a year the children engage in a high stakes game of who can make their own weight in mucus. They compete not only with each other to determine who can create the most snot, but with themselves to beat their personal best from previous years. There's also the side challenges, who can blow the largest snot bubble, largest wad of snot created in a single sneeze, and longest streak of snot across the cheek. For the record Bird is winning that last one with a doozy that stretched from her left nostril to her right ear.

Good times people, good times. These are the memories I live for.

Luckily for you I have something to blog about besides my children's amazing ability to create slime with their very own noses. I have a Finished Object! I wasn't hiding this sweater, it was just a very quick knit. And it's lace, so it counts for Lacevember!

Mystery Sweater

Pattern: Cropped Lace Top from Vogue Knitting Holiday 2005

Yarn: Jagger Spun Zephyr, two strands held together. I can't tell you how much I used because it came from my giant cone.

Needles: Size 3 Addi Turbos, and a size 1 crochet hook

Modifications: Where do I begin with the modifications? Or should I just rant about how crappy the Vogue Knitting patterns are? The original sweater looked like this:

Original Cropped Monstrosity

Very pretty isn't it? I fell in love at first sight with this sweater. The lace, the ribbons, the romance. But what's up with all the cropped tops? Haven't we moved passed that? Aren't we out of that phase of fashion? It doesn't look good on anyone. On women with children who have a tummy as an unfortunate but unavoidable by-product of giving birth, it looks bad. On younger women with flat tummies? Well they look like they're desperately clinging on to their pre-teen youth. On teenagers with flat tummies? They look like sluts. And on *shudder* small children? They look like they've outgrown their clothing. It doesn't work on anyone, so why must they insist on continuing to design cropped shirts?

So I lengthened the shirt. I knit 8 rows of lace pattern B per the pattern's instructions, then I knit four rows of stockingnette, 8 rows B, 4 rows stockingnette, 8 rows B, four rows stockingnette. Then proceed to 4 rows of lace pattern C. I also decided to lengthen the sleeves using the same pattern of 8 rows lace B followed by 4 rows stockingnette. I knit 11 repeats of lace B for the sleeves.

At the top of the sleeve cap there are a series of bind offs and decreases. It leaves the top of the sleeve looking like this

Who was smoking crack and thought this was a good idea?

Not very pretty, or stable. The sleeve tops kept slipping off my shoulders. So I took a crochet hook to it.

Much better

Isn't that a nicer line. Clean and sturdy. I will admit to getting a bit of help with that part.

big helper

At the top of the neckline you are supposed to attach a piece of lace ribbon. I couldn't find a piece in the right color, but I did find a beautiful chocolate brown satin ribbon that I thought would match, and coordinate with the ribbon on the sleeves and waist, as well as the tank top I bought to go underneath. But as I prepared to sew it on I decided that I like the neck line as it is without the ribbon. In fact I liked the entire sweater as is without the ribbon.

So all the things that attracted me to the sweater, the lace, the ribbon, the romance, were all things I eliminated from my finished sweater. *shrug* go figure.

You may have noticed that I haven't included a picture of myself in the sweater. This isn't for lack of a photographer. Remember Pork Chop is home sick. I could have her take the picture. But I still wouldn't show it.

The stupid thing doesn't fit.

For reasons I have decided not to delve into (Cold Stone Creamery is run by Lucifer himself, that's all I'll say on the subject), it's too small.

Crap.

Review: Beautiful yarn, after modifying it so it only vaguely resembles the original design: beautiful sweater. Wish the stupid thing fit.

15 comments:

Liz said...

If it's any consolation, I like the way yours looks a lot better than the VK one. Too bad about the fit - I hate it when that happens.

Lovely work :)

Bezzie said...

It's so pretty! And it doesn't fit :-( ! Awwww...Well on the plus side, it won't go out of style esp. since you modified it not to be a crop top. (Yick! You're right, what were they thinking?)

Cynder said...

That is so pretty! Its a shame it doesn't fit. I have had that happen to me way to many times.

turtlegirl76 said...

Awww =( I'm so sorry it doesn't fit! It's gorgeous!

Thea said...

it's gorgeous, too bad about the fit. Maybe you can find a worthy recepient who you love?

SuzannaBanana said...

It's beautiful. Fight the evil Coldstone and his minion Starbucks Full-Fat Mocha! That sweater is too nice not to wear.

Katrina said...

I love the sweater and am inspired every time you modify a pattern to make something the way you like it. You truly have a gift.

Is there a chance that it will ever fit? Or does it fall into the category of the unattainable?

I'm sorry to hear that the kids are sick. I hope they get better real soon.

bradyphrenia said...

it's beautiful, and so much work with all of your mods!

JennyRaye said...

My kids have been snot making machines too.

The sweater is breathtaking--much better than the VK one. I agree about cropped tops, sheesh. Men must have come up with that fashion flop. So sorry about the fit. I am right there battling with ya! Brusters and Edys are not my friends, no matter how much I love them.

Theresa said...

I agree - Vogue designs are often lovely, but there are serious issues with most of their patterns. And then it's just so much work . . .

Anonymous said...

It is stunning, like all of your work!

Lynda said...

Oh NO! This breaks my heart - mainly because yours is SO much more beautiful than the VK one!

Zonda said...

Oh man! Bummed it doesn't fit...now save it away for later! It is gorgeous! I love looking at your lace knitting. I like it a lot better than the Vogue picture you showed us! Hope the kids are better! :)

Areli said...

Oh, no, yours is so pretty, how disapointing not to be able to wear it!

And, I do hope your kids are feeling better soon.

Batty said...

It's gorgeous. But wait till a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving and the stuffydays. It may feet once you run out of leftovers!