Monday, August 15, 2005

The universe is against me

Diamond Count = 18

It's no secret. I've been in a bit of a funk. I've been bitchy. I've been cranky. I've been depressed and unhappy. I've decided to get over it, yup, I'm just gonna get over it. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I try very hard to be positive. Sometimes my Pollyanna-like attitude even annoys me. It takes a lot of energy to be positive all the time. I thought it was exhausting and I finally gave up. I now realize the depression eats up even more energy. I don't know why this came as a shock. I've battle depression before. I've been hospitalized for it before. Depression is my old friend. It's like one of those friends you had in high school, the one that was never a good friend, she used you and stole your boyfriend, but you stayed friends out of habit and fear because if she stopped being your friend who would sit with you at lunch. I hate feeling this way. I made a plan. Just making a plan was a huge step in the right direction. I love having a plan, just feeling that I know what I'm doing, I've got a purpose. Having a plan makes me feel safe (and for some odd reason so does a kitchen full of food. I always feel safe with a fully stocked fridge). I was going to start doing Pilates again because it always made me feel good. I was going to stop eating so much junk food and chocolate because that can't be good for you and eating more fruit and healthy things. I was going to wash my hair everyday, yes every single day (I'm not sure if people who aren't stay at home moms understand what a feat this is, but believe me it's a serious challenge) because that always make me feel good. I was going to start taking care of myself for a change until I felt better. I was going to start today.

Today I got up and both The Greatest and I have the flu. He has it much worse than I do, I haven't actually puked yet. And God Bless him he still went to work. But needless to say I won't be working out or washing my hair or eating today (hey wasn't stop eating junk food on my list. I'll be achieving something today).

In an unrelated theme. I've started a knit-a-long. A very kind and witty woman gifted me with this pattern.

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It's called Hopeful. The pattern can be purchased here. The pattern is five dollars, pretty cheap right. Here's the greatest part: for every pattern she sells the designer will donate six dollars to the Susan Love foundation. Their mission is to cure breast cancer in the next ten years. I hope that is soon enough for my Mother. Please consider buying this beautiful pattern. It is well written and has a very interesing sleeve construction. The KAL is here. I've never started a knit-a-long before and would like this one to be a success. So Please come join us and knit.

1 comment:

rincaro said...

Did you send me the flu as an e-mail virus? ;) Me & big J are sick now, and I'm hoping little J doesn't catch it!