Friday, September 30, 2005

Today her blog, Tomorrow the world

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I am Boyd. Just look at me. I am magnificent. I am shiny, and pointy, and all the things you could dream of in a pair of circular needles. I speak with a deep manly voice. And I have a European accent. You can't tell this because you are reading. Please add a mental voice over as you read this. Think Russian James Earl Jones. Oh yes, Did I mention that I am supremely evil? I already control the weather, and soon I shall take over the world. (Insert evil laugh here).

Oh she thinks she can put a few pretty bobbles on my end and all will be forgiven. Sure I did look fabulous and the blue really complimented my natural skin color (hey when did the voice over become Jack from Will and Grace? James Earl Jones people, but with an evil accent) but it will take more than a few pretty trinkets to get back into my good graces.

Oh I will play her little game. I will make the weather sunny and beautiful tomorrow. It will be the perfect moving weather. My plan is not to spoil her move. Oh no, my plan is far more subtle than that.

By banishing me to the garage she unknowingly gave me access to all her boxes. I have been a busy little needle. I have labeled her fine china "Shoes". If things go as planned they will drop that box. Her shoes are now labeled "Garage". She'll never even open those boxes. Her precious Merino Style Wool for Hopeful is no longer in her yarn stash. I have places it with her high school year books. I've heard her say she's just going to burn that box. "Hopefully" she'll burn some collateral damage as well (insert evil laugh). Her coveted sock yarn is in with The Greatest's old military things. I've heard her say she's going to wait until he dies and then give that stuff to Goodwill. I hope Goodwill likes yarn, if this work more of her stash could find its way into the military supplies (hey soldiers might want to knit, and that yarn is just too scrumptious to be burned)(Why are you Jack again? JAMES EARL JONES PEOPLE).

Do you see the beauty and cunning of my plan? She will spend months fruitlessly searching for these things. She will be haunted by the memory of her missing possessions. She will be driven mad by her obsession to find her sock yarn. Then once she is institutionalized she will come crawling back to me. Only a truly insane person can comprehend how wonderful it is to knit with me. Once they have put her away she'll be solely mine once again. (insert evil laugh here).


kittensmittens said...

back away slowly and don't make any sudden movements... it truly is evil

Kimberly said...

Quick! Get him out of the garage!! Get him away from your yarn.