Stupid Freakin Socks

I'm making The Greatest a pair of socks. I have little interest in knitting his sweater right now, and a huge mental list of projects I would rather be knittings. I decided that if I knit him a pair of socks they would be done rather quickly and appease him while I neglected his sweater for a few months to persue other interests. I finished the first sock with no problems. It looks great.



The picture doesn't really do it justice, but it looks great. Here's a closer look.



I took very careful measurements and it fits his foot perfectly. I'm very proud of myself. And of course since I have made him one sock and it is perfect, I have zero interest in knitting the second sock. But I just can't be that mean and abandon his barely started sweater as well as his half done pair of socks. So I have been working very hard to finish his sock so I can move onto more fun projects. I finished the heel on the second sock on sunday and finally got to sit down yesterday to work the leg. But as I knit I kept thinking something was off on this sock. I keep careful notes on all the patterns I work and always use a row counter, so things should have been fine. But I laid the second sock next to the first sock and discovered a problem.



Can you see it? The Greatest tried it on and the second sock is indeed much longer than the first. I'm such a perfectionist that I told him I would just have to rip the entire sock out and try again. He suggested I just rip down until the sock is about the same length as the first one and then start the heel. But then *gasp* the row count on the two socks would be different, and they wouldn't be exactly the same. I think he's tired of waiting for me to finish something for him, because he then suggested that I just keep knitting and he would fold the excess sock under his toes. I just love him so much. I'll probably just rip it down like he suggested and then keep going from there. If I ever do socks again I'll have to learn to knit two at the same time on circular needles. My attention span isn't long enough to do a second separate sock.
Here are some pictures Pork Chop took of her cousin.





They had the best time together: model and photographer. I'm so glad we have the digital camera, otherwise we would have to spend her college fund in film and development.

This is for Jacki

I just spent an hour and a half downloading pictures. This leaves me no time to blog. So here's a picture for Jacki.
It's the Bird, guess what she's doing.

You said you had trouble visualizing this.....She's eating cereal right off the floor! Sometimes it's easier to just spread some cereal on the floor for the kids, like you're feeding chickens, than to bother with actual bowls and spoons.

Neglected blog

I'm sorry we've been busy. I've got stories, really cute stories, and a picture of a finished sock. But it takes me an hour to upload the pictures to go with the stories, and I don't have that kind of time today. I promise, really great stuff tomorrow.
Go to this guy for a good laugh today.

Tag I'm it!

I've been interviewed. The wonderful Jacki has sent me interview questions, so here I go. If you wanted to be tagged for an interview e-mail me.

Okay, here's your interview:
1) Would you rather eat a live spider or go bungie jumping?
Although both include my biggest fears I think I'd rather bungie jump. I think if I ate a spider I would always feel spidery legs in my internal organs. Eww it makes me squirm just thinking about it. If I had to bungie jump The Greatest could push me and that would give him a cheap thrill.
2) Describe your Dream Yarn.
My dream yarn would be the softest of soft yarn, and completely machine washable. It would magically knit in even stitches. And at the moment it would be lavender. (next week I'd probably want it to be lime green, I'm fickle and my whims are easily shifted).
3) What's the best part of being a mom?
Hands down the best part is Sticky kisses! But I also love little voices telling me "Mommy I la loo"(Meatys way of saying I love you), or Pork Chop telling me I'm her bestest Mommy ever when I give her something she wants. I like to see their chubby baby bodies (Bird) grow into sturdy toddlers (Meaty)and then onto child bodies with impossibly long limbs that could never have started out as my chubby baby (Pork Chop). I like to watch them learn new things and see how proud they are of themselves even if it's something I would rather they hadn't figured out (like how to circumvent the child proofing). I love hearing their thoughts and logic patterns. Children are just naturally funny. Oh I just love everything about it, except maybe all the laundry.
4) If you were going to open a yarn store, what would you call it?
Got Yarn?
5) If Pluto is a dog, then what is Goofy?
Goofy is some kinda sick product of beastiality between an un-named Disney Prince and Pluto. He's evolution gone horribly wrong.

Ahoy Me Mateys!

I figured out why The Greatest was so GREAT about the yarn. On Tuesday, the day before I went yarn shopping he found a 55 gallon fish tank just sitting by the side of the road. It had the stand with it. He's always wanted one, so we went and picked it up. We're going to be moving in a few months, and a 55 gallon fish tank is a very heavy thing to move if it has water and fish in it, so I thought he was just going to leave it in the garage until we moved, then we could set it up in the new place. I was wrong. While we were yarn shopping he was cleaning the tank out and ensuring it held water. After yarn shopping when he took me out to get needles, he bought gravel for the new tank. I should have seen it coming. He set the new tank up in our bedroom. Did I mention the tank looks like a treasure chest?



Here it is from the side.



I must admit the kids love to look at the fish throught the portals.



This picture was taken through the portal, if you look you can see Meaty on the other side of the tank.



Here's our lonely Oscar, his name is Sid Viscious.



Here's out algea eater: Teptune



I should have know he wasn't moving Sid from the ten gallon to the fifty five gallon just to give him room to grow. Yesterday we went out and bought Sid some friends.

Meet Oscar the Grouch



And the Spanish Twins: Jesus and Jorge (the white fish)



All in all he spent more on fish than I did on yarn. But I couldn't say a word because he was so nice about the yarn. I should have know the scurvy pirate had a hidden agenda.

I swear I'll do his sweater next

I was a bad girl yesterday. My knitting group went to a new yarn shop, and I got some new stuff. The Greatest really is THE GREATEST. Before I left he told me that if I saw anything I wanted I should go ahead and get it. We are on a super tight budget right now so I just kinda shook my head and said "We'll see." and he stopped me and said "I mean it, if you see something you like just get it." So I did. I didn't go crazy, although I did ask the shop owner if I could strip naked and roll around in her alpaca. She hovered around me the rest of the time I was in the store. I don't know if she wanted to make sure I remained fully clothed, or if she just wanted to be sure she got to watch if I did in fact strip and roll around in her soft yarn.
I was restrained and only bought three things, and none of it in quantities to make a sweater.
This was on clearance and just felt to good not to buy



I bought this to test the gauge for a future project



I bought this to make socks for The Greatest



I'm so excited to try making socks that I started last night. The Greatest just shook his head and took me out to buy some size 1 double pointed needles. He didn't mention his sweater and how I promised to knit it before I started any new projects. The best part about the whole thing is he never once asked me how much I spent. See what I mean about him being THE GREATEST!

I haven't completely neglected his sweater. It's rows and rows of tedious 3x2 ribbing. Here it is so far.



Pork Chop went crazy taking pictures again. She really does take the coolest pictures. She likes to take still life from unusual angles. I actually want to print some of them in black and white and hang them up. Later I'll make a whole post with some of her better stuff. Here's her self-portrait.

Oh how the mighty have fallen

When I was pregnant with Pork Chop I worked with this crazy woman who convinced my pregnant brain that if I let my cat get anywhere near my baby it would kill it. She was rather vague on the details of just how my cat would go about killing my baby, or why the cat would kill my baby, she just repeated her words of doom every day until I was sure the cat was involved in a world wide plot larger than Al Queda to kill off humans by destroying their offspring. When The Greatest set up the crib for me my cat decided it was a wonderful place to sleep, ditto for the bassinet. It drove me crazy. I would throw the cat out of the room, spray her with water. Once I went so far as to take her into the bathroom and hold her under the tub facet trying to get her to hate the crib. I finally just kept the nursery door shut at all times to keep the furry assassin out of my darling Pork Chop's sleeping quarters.

Flash forward two years and we are anxiously awaiting Meaty's birth. The cat once again is napping in the bassinet. She was so excited to see us put it up. It was like she'd found her long lost friend. While I was not excited about her sleeping in the bassinet or crib again I had decided that Pork Chop survived her infancy, so maybe the cat wasn't the sleeper cell I thought she was. We worked out an arrangement where I would toss the cat out of the crib when I found her there or when I walked into the room to put Meaty down for a nap she would voluntarily leave the crib. This arrangement worked.

Flash forward to Bird's birth. Because Bird and Meaty are so close in age the crib was never packed away, just moved from one room to another. This new room is over the garage and slightly colder, so it has a portable heater, thus increasing it's attractiveness to the cat. She no longer bothers to get out of the crib when I put the baby down for a nap, and I no longer bother to throw her out. She hasn't killed any of my kids yet, so if she's a hired assassin working in a plot to kill off the human race she is unually patient, even for a cat. She doesn't curl up with the baby, she lays at one end and the baby lays at the other. But if someone had told me when I was pregnant with Pork Chop that one day I would just put my baby down to sleep with the cat in the crib I would have thought that person was on drugs. Didn't they know about the global conspiracy of cats? Doesn't this look like a ferocious killing machine.

Come on ride the train

Don't you think this is getting a little out of control?

I should have realized in December of 2003 when The Greatest wanted to buy a train set for Meat and he wasn't even a year old yet that this would get out of hand. I managed to talk him out of it that year. But last year I got vetoed by Santa and Meat awoke to this under the Christmas Tree. And don't get me wrong, he loves it, but not as much as his Daddy does. It has been what? two and a half months since Christmas right? You would not believe what Fisher Price has put me through in that time. Meat is unfortunate enough to have his birthday a few weeks after Christmas. The Greatest wanted to get him more train accessories for his Birthday. We bought him the Clock Tower. It is very cool but completely useless without the Elevation Pack. Who has the Elevation Pack? Until Saturday, NO ONE. What followed was a two month search of every toy store and Wal-Mart in the tri-State area trying to find Geo Trax products in stock. Not to mention hours of searching on line for the stupid thing. He also bought every motorized geotrax engine he found during the process because you never know when it will be back in stock. He drove me crazy! But on Saturday his dreams came to fruition. He found the elevation pack, not only that but he found the straight pack AND the ramp pack. The result was this

Meat's room is not a big room. I couldn't fit it all in one shot, but here's the train compared to his bed

It's bigger than his bed. Life was good for exactly one day. Then The Greatest got on line and realized he can't make any of the really cool layouts without the Suspension Bridge. Has anyone seen the Suspension Bridge?

Knitting curse is lifted

I have appeased the Knitting Gods. Instead of having knitting group once a week, we held our knitting group twice last week, and the Gods are pleased. They have blessed me with a finished Shapely Tank Top
Here it is in it's unblocked glory with an ugly black tank underneath (cause that's what I was wearing when I tried it on)

Now I just need to block it and Belle Epoque, sew the belt for B.E. and then I'll be free to start a sweater for The Greatest. He wants me to replicate a sweater he already owns using this yarn

(Photo courtesty of Pork Chop)
It's not very inspiring work, but I love him so I'll do it.

Pseudonames

For some insane reason I don't want to use my children's actual names in my blog. I'll put their pretty faces out there for the universe, I just don't feel like making it really easy for the sick fucks out there to get their full name and address. I'm probably not as cautious as I could be in trying to remain semi-anonymous, but I do feel not giving out their names and socials is a good start. It's taking a lot of time to type out My oldest daughter, My son, My youngest daughter. I've decided to just refer to them as their baby nicknames. From hence for they will be known as follows
My oldest daughter who is almost five will be - Pork Chop
My Son who is two will be - Meaty
My youngest child who is 10 months will be - Bird
My Husband will be - The Greatest
And I of course am Goddess. I reign supreme in my house, as I should.
Here's Pork Chop, Meaty, and Bird watching the portable car tv while they eat breakfast

We are such good parents.

I've found the off switch!

I love my kids, I love them, love them, love them. But I must confess that I love them slightly less at one in the morning. I need atleast nine hours of sleep, ten is better. But since the birth of my son I have been surviving on six hours, and that is interrupted sleep. On a good night the baby gets up only once. On a bad night all three get up multiple times. I'd let the younger ones cry it out but that only results in all the kids waking up, the younger ones contained in their crib or room crying and the oldest at my bedside making sure I'm awake because "Moooom they need you."
The last night was unusual in the way that the baby woke up, ate and then instead of going back to sleep decided to scream unconsolably for a while (I'm sure unconsolably is a word, but it might be a misspelled one). She had eaten peas for the first time that day. She loved them. What's not to love about little green balls that you can eat. She so carefully picked each one off her highchair tray, squished it, then ate it, occassionally rubbing one in her hair for variety. My best guess in the peas gave her gas. I rubbed her back, bicycled her legs, then finally my Husband got up with her and gave her tylenol (incase it wasn't gas) and Pepto Bismal. Then we sat on the couch with her until she calmed down. Here is the amazing part. She stopped crying and I reached over to wipe a tear from her right eye. As soon as I touched her she leaned into my hand and fell asleep. It was instantaneous (where is spell check on this thing). It was amazing. It was a freaking miracle. There is an off switch underneath the right eye. Why aren't they telling you this in the hospital? I could have used this information four years ago when my oldest screamed for hours with colic. I could have used this information yesterday to take a nap. Gotta check and see if it still works on my two year old.

Here's the sleeping beauty standing all by herself for the first time. I know it looks like my Husband's arm is holding her up, but really it's behind her and close so she doesn't fall, but she's standing on her own two cute feet with no help. She'll be walking soon. Three mobile children, may God have mercy on my soul.

Bad knitting mojo

I don't know what I did to piss off the Gods of Knitting, but I must have done something. I was making the Belle Paquita with this

Notice all the tiny balls, you'll understand in a minute. I got the entire bodice and sleeves done in a week and discovered it was too small for my breastfeeding boobs. I looked at the medium pattern and the cast on is actually smaller than the cast on for the small. I looked at the large pattern, but my boobs aren't that big. So I decided to keep knitting the small and hope it would fit in the spring when I get to wean. I went to sew the sleeves into the bodice, and they were way too small. I e-mailed the designer and asked if maybe the links to the small bodice pattern and the medium bodice pattern were reversed and I was trying to sew the small sleeves into a medium bodice. Or I'm an idiot and I'm reading the pattern wrong and doing something wrong which is a distinct possibility. Marnie said she'd check. I just love her, so talented and she returned my e-mail. I think I'll stalk her. But I ended up frogging the entire thing, hence all the tiny balls.
Being unable to knit the Bella I traded a weeks worth of babysitting for this

Four balls of the softest Giesha. But this Giesha is cursed. My friend had already tried knitting several incarnations of a shawl for her Mother-in-Law, but nothing panned out and she ended up frogging it all and trading the yarn to me. I too have started knitting several things with this yarn only to frog it and start again. I am currently on the fifth try to knit a Shapely Tank Top This is how far I am.

It's depressing I ripped it out three times yesterday, stupid dropped stitches. No more knitting while nursing the baby, it's just not a good combination when I'm using 14 inch needles. And why on earth am I using 14 inch needles that are entirely too long and I hate? Because I actually wore out my favorite pair of 10 inch size six needles. I didn't know you could wear out aluminum needles but you can. Once you wear off the color the metal underneath is scratchy and unusable. Who knew? I still need to get ribbon or something for my Bella Epoque sweater. I'll have to get a new pair of needles then.
And since every post must contain a cute shot of my kids here are the girls in their matching Easter Dresses. It's so cute it's wrong, I'm sick and I must be stopped.

Unadulterated Biased Parenting

Just look at this baby. She is the cutest baby in the world.

And just when you thought the cutest baby in the world couldn't get any cuter, we go and do something like this:

Best Pizza Ever

We were busy the other day. I can't remember what we were doing that made us so busy, but we were busy. My Husband and I both forgot to make plans for dinner and before we knew it it was six o'clock and we had three hungry kids and nothing thawed. We asked our oldest what she wanted for dinner (it's always exciting and slightly dangerous to eat a menu planned by a four year old). She wanted pizza, which my two year old promptly seconded PEEEEEZAAAAA! So we ordered pizza. And it was the best pizza ever. We ordered Donatos, which we don't really like but tolerate because it's the best pizza that will deliver to us. We ordered one cheese and pepperoni and one with everything. My daughter was so excited she drew a picture for the delivery man. What was the picture of? A delivery man bringing us pizza of course. When we opened our pizza we discovered one cheese and pepperoni and one.... cheese and fresh tomato slices pizza. Not what we ordered, did we call and complain and demand our pizza with everything. Heck no, at this point it was almost seven and our formerly merely hungry children were now contemplating canabalizing the baby, who I'm rather fond of so I gave them the pizza, someone else's pizza and it was the BEST pizza ever. Between me and the kids we ate almost the entire large pizza that night. Followed by a demand for more PEEEEEEZAAAAA for lunch the next day. Somewhere there is a very angry vegetarian who got our pizza piled with four different meats. Technically we didn't steal the pizza because we paid for it, but I apologize for stealing your pizza. We gave it a good home.

So Gross

Why is it that the average cute thirty pound toddler can produce twice his own weight in snot when he has a cold?

Belle Epoque

It's almost done! It needs blocked and the belt needs made, but I'm all done with the knitting portion of Belle Epoque. Here it is

Here's an extreme close up of the stitching

Here's what it will look like when the empire waiste is cinched (right now it's held with a length of the crocus bud pattern left over from one of my many attempts to start the pattern. I like the look of this and may use it instead of ribbon for the sash)

I've already started working on my next sweater and much to my Husbands displeasure it is a sweater for me not him. I swear his is next (unless I find a pattern I really need to knit first.)
This is what I'm making now
Bella Paquita
I'm knitting it in a pink wool blend.
And finally here are two of the cutest kids in the world (really I'd say that even if they weren't mine)
Check out that angry face

This isn't at all dangerous, I'm sure the baby won't fall out and get run over by her enthusiastic brother

If Snoop Dawg were writing my blog

Courtesy of gizoogle

Atleast he can aim
My son jizzy turned two. I'm in no hurry ta P-O-Double-Tizzy train him. I want ta buy a steam playa fizzay . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. But every wizzle or so he decides ta "izzle Potty." This entails him stand'n by tha P-O-Double-Tizzy fo' five minutes, lett'n out three drops of pizzy eat'n a celebratory chocolate chiznip, promptly followed by pee'n a smizzall lakes on mah floor (hence tha need fo' a steam cleana). Last niznight I heard tha dreaded words "Pee Potty." And he followed tha SOP: stand, trickle, chizzip. Tizzle he wizzent a good twenty minutes witout blingin' on tha floor. I thought maybe we could skizzip this stizzep tonight . They call me tha black folks president. Then I heard it, tha steady stream hitt'n tha floor, but it had a metallic ping ta it. I look up n he had places one of his matchbox ridez on tha floor 'bout a fizzle fizzy where he stood n he was pee'n on it so bow down to the bow wow. His aim was deadly wit it's accuracy sho nuff. I had bizzy throw'n cheerios into tha toilet ta give him sum'm sum'm ta aim at. Should I switch ta matchbox cars? How would I explain thizzay ta tha plumba who would invariably have ta come an unclog mah matchbox ride clogged plumb'n? And whizzat did tizzy miznatch box ride do ta mah son ta deserve siznuch treatment?

Happiness is

Happiness is a dinner without the kids for the first time in two years
Happiness is shopping with your Husband who rarely grumbles and doesn't flinch once at the final bill
Happiness is a Husband who gets the best side order of mushrooms ever and saves the biggest ones for you
Happiness is flannel sheets
Happiness is Bath and Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar Lotion
Happiness is the new Dean Koontz book
Happiness is Dance Dance Revolution
Happiness is losing two pregnancies worth of weight and fitting your favorite jeans again
Happiness is a child who's teeth have finally broken through the gums and is now giggly again
Happiness is this sweet face

Happiness is marriage "ta dis dawg"

And apparently to my four year old Happiness is being allowed to play with the digital camera. Here's some pictures she took.
The fern

Here's her action shot she took while running

She took a picture of my knitting (something she's seen me do numerous times. In a related sidenote that's the second sleeve to my sweater, almost done)

Here's her picture of her brother

And here's her brother

And here's her brother

Happiness at last!

It's not all lingerie and pillow fights

The love of my life is out of town. He left me all alone with the kids for almost 48 hours. Traitor. Wonder what 48 hours with changing diapers or wiping runny noses or breastfeeding it like. I bet it's pretty nice. I wonder if he's actually going to come home or if he woke up this morning and decided life was too sweet and headed for the border.

The wonderful girls in my playgroup didn't want me to be lonely. They thought it would be better if I were drunk. So they came over for a girls night out. They came after they put their kids to bed, so there were no children or husbands around. We had a great time. But for some reason the husbands all seemed to think the evening would involve lingerie and pillow fights. Whats up with that? We talked about the kids, and our husbands, and all kinds of things, and nary a bra was in sight. My youngest got up and ate some potato chips for a while. But since she didn't nurse I didn't even get to flash my boob at anyone. And all my pillows are in the wash from our recent lice infestation, so there was absolutely no pillow fighting going on. So whats up with the pillow fight fantasy? Wishful thinking?

What am I doing with my life?

Not only do I neglect my kids, but apparently I also neglect my blog.
And check out this face



What would make a cat so angry? Apparently I've been neglecting my dog. My cat Sasha had just finished liking my dog Sage's face clean. Tried to catch that on camera but my cat is too dignified to allow herself to be photographed in such a compromising position. But doesn't my dog look pretty now?



It's a shame the cat promptly threw up afterwards. (You can't make up a story like that. She did, she puked in three rooms, it was so gross. Cat bile is ickier than human bile).

So while I'm hanging out in my puke covered dirty house with my kids running wild with the dirty dog I've been making this:



You can't really tell, but it's a beautiful sweater. It needs sleeves. When finished it will look something like This

but it'll be a while. I think I'm gonna play with the kids today.

Oh and check out the love of my life corrupting my youngest child.



She's listening to Clutch. Put in Raffi or a Sesame Street CD and she rips the headphones off. Put in Clutch and she just sits and sings along.