First day of School

Today I sent my baby to school *sob*



I thought I would be fine. I was ready for her to go. She was driving me crazy. Hey I love the girl but I can only play "Go Fish" and "I spy" so many times before I want to impale myself on some dpns. But last night around 11 I had a major freak out. I couldn't remember what time the bus came, I was worried she would have trouble buying her lunch, I wondered if I had taught her enough things about being a good person so she would make friends. I worried that she wouldn't have fun. I hope the other girls are all nice to her. She's so quick to cry I hope she doesn't cry. So far she's lived in a world where people adore her. No one teases her, no one is deliberately mean to her. She is now out of my protective care. I hope I've prepared her. I'm sure she'll be just fine. I wouldn't be me if I didn't worry about this stuff.

I finished this for her last night.



There was no pattern. I just made a rectangle, seamed it together and attached an I-cord handle. I filled it with a few small toys and put it in her backpack for the bus ride home. I hope she likes it.

My official flower count is....Are you ready?.....

Flower Count = 0!!!!

I did do this



But I don't like it. I think there is too much white and not enough yellow. I'm going to have to play around with the chart until I get something I like. I've also decided not to do horizontal flowers. The pattern calls for the flowers to be horizontal on the end panels and vertical on the middle panels. I like the vertical flowers better, so they'll all be vertical. I'll just alternate the way the stems lean.

And because I'm such a bad girl I picked up some yarn at Wal-Mart last night and cast on for the Pinwheel baby blanket. Then I ripped and re-cast, and ripped and re-cast. I must have tried six or seven times. I've finally got something I think is going to work. I'm a believer in the psychic powers of Tara. Right after I read her message I got irrefutable if slightly late proof that this blanket is definitely not for me.

Big News

Diamond Count = 28!!!!!!

All done knitting diamonds. My delight lasted about five seconds when I realized two things.

1. I have nothing to knit now except Evil.

2. I have to duplicate knit 28 freakin' flowers.

I figured that since I was going to spend a lot of time with a darning needle I should make peace with it and finish the hand sewing on the surprise knitting. So I did. Now like Bird's cabled sweater all the surprise knitting needs is buttons (see the holy trinity of three finished objects at a time taking shape). So today I shall begin sewing on flowers, although I'm getting paid to write a resume for someone and I need to finish that, and I've got a cute little pink purse I started for Pork Chop that I would like to have done to give her tomorrow after her first full day of school (that doesn't count as having something to knit, it just needs bound off and seamed, should take less than a half hour).

I've got a ton of patterns just waiting to be knit, they just need yarn. I've got christmas knitting to start. I've got Hopeful and the Knitted Corset. I want to make a scarf for my Dad. Yet for some inexplicable reason I'm becoming obsessed with the idea of making a Pinwheel Baby Blanket. I hope that doesn't mean anything.

This is a secret

Diamond Count = 26

So my daughter has found her true love. No not Bird and Kung Fu Chuck. I'm taking about Pork Chop and Sporticus. Who's Sporticus you ask? Let me show you Sporticus.



Sorry that's the best picture I can find. He's from Nickelodeon's Lazy Town. And Pork Chop LOVES him. Most of the Moms I know love him. I just don't see it. Sure he's all muscely and stuff, but I can't get past the cheesy mustache.



Pork Chop doesn't care about the mustache. She even drew a picture of him.



Sporticus is on the left (see the mustache). I'm in the middle, and Pork Chop is on the right (notice she is in blue marker like Sporticus). See how we're all smiling. That's because we're all so happy that Sporticus and Pork Chop are going to get married when she grows up. But I'm not supposed to tell anyone. This doesn't count as telling people right?

I think I've created a monster

Diamond Count = 25.5 (only 2.5 diamonds to go!)

So I've been blogging for almost eight months. I really like it. I'm always looking at things and thinking "I should blog this". It's border-line obsession. But I've realized that's nothing compared to The Greatest. He decided on Saturday that he needed a blog. He wanted me to help him set it up. I'd forgotten how picky the Man can be sometimes.
"Let's try this template"
"No Wait what about this one"
"no try this one"
"just one more"
"can we try this color"
"no change it back"
"no wait change it to the second one again"
"no change it back"
"that picture is too big"
"now it's too small"
"why is it so blurry"
"can we get rid of the blogger bar at the top?"
"why not"
"what's that symbol"
"can you change this"
"what about this"
"no change it all back"
"what do you mean you want a divorce?"

But then end result was pretty good and I think it's got potential.

THE MAN CAVE

Here is the extreme downside to The Greatest having his own blog. I have an e-mail address. It is my name, my full name, my entire here-I-am-please-stalk-me-like-that-guy-did-in-'97-name. I don't want that anywhere near my blog or my children, so I've been using HIS very anonymous e-mail address for my blog. Comments get sent there. My photobucket account is in his user name. My stats counter is in his user name. So he is a little unhappy with me. He has to come up with a new user name to access these resources. I offered to share the photobucket account with him, but then he pissed me off. He was looking at photos and asking questions like "why are there japanese beetle pictures in here" (hello, did he not read my ode to the japanese beetle) Then he wanted to know why there was a picture of a Victoria Secret model in there (hello, again did he not see this) And I realized that no, he did not read my blog at all. So that time last week I thought he stole the debit card just to keep me from ordering yarn because he read on my blog that I was going to? Just coincidence. I'm off to order yarn (ok that last part is pure fantasy, but wouldn't it have been nice)

I've gotten inquiries as to what Evil is. Evil is a sweater I'm knitting for The Greatest. He couldn't find a pattern he liked so he brought me his favorite sweater and told me to just copy that. Then we ordered the 100% wool yarn in a huge cone off e-bay and the wool is very twine like. The test swatches all came out nice and soft and wearable after washing, but the yarn before washing is very unpleasant to work with. The entire sweater is stressful, there is no pattern, and the yarn actually rubs the skin off my finger if I knit with it too long. So I've dubbed the sweater Evil. I made a quilt for The Greatest. It took five years to get around to finishing it. I think I'm looking at a similar timeline for his sweater.

Big Doofus

Diamond Count = 23

I've got the fourth panel knit. Only one more freakin' panel to go. Honestly I haven't minded knitting this long project. I'm just itchin to start something new, and I'm afraid I'll finish this afghan and not have new yarn in my stash, then I'll be forced to either not knit (my nerves can't take that) or knit Evil (which is equally bad for my nerves). I was going to order the yarn yesterday tight budget be damned but The Greatest had the debit card. Somehow he just knows (or he reads my blog).

I would like to thank everyone who took the time to comment yesterday. When I looked over yesterday's post this morning I had to laugh. I feel like I was begging "Please comment, please validate me, and please link to me." Sometimes I'm such a big doofus. I love ya'll. But if you want to link to me, please go ahead (see I'm a big doofus).

Filler

Diamond Count = 22

I had a busy knitting day yesterday. My children on the other hand watched Dumbo three times in a row. What can I say? It's Meaty's favorite movie. What could be better than a movie with a TRAIN and a "BEE-BEE EL-PHANT"! I love toddler-ese. That moment of development where they realize words are power and they can use them to get things they want. They work so hard to form their words, and you can just see them thinking, the little wheels turning in their heads to grab the right magic word from their brain to trick you into submitting to their will. Meat has already learned that if he asks his Grammie for a popsicle with a most polite please she'll usually give him one. They work so hard to communitcate with you and they are so sincere in what they say, and you're lucky if you can understand half of it. Where am I going with this? No where. I like to post often, but today I've got nothing. So I'm just writing my random thoughts. I did nothing interesting yesterday that is blog worthy, so this is just filler until I get a better idea. I'm really too tired today to be witty or relevant or even attempt to be funny. Today is just boring filler. I apologize.

No wait, I did have something to say. I hate spammers. I know everyone hates spammers but I really really really hate them. I love comments. I love knowing people actually read what I write. I love going to the websites of people who leave comments and reading what they write. I love checking my e-mail and seeing comments. The only thing better than comments is going to someone's site and seeing my site in the sidebar. I feel very cool and important then. So imagine my disappointment yesterday when I get two comments within a minute of each other and they are both spam. I hate spam. What a buzz kill. If you are not spam please take a moment to comment, even if it's to berate me for boring filler.

Another day another diamond

Diamond Count = 20

It's coming along. I knit panels 1, 3, and 5 first. Now I'm knitting panel 2. The diamond patterns are staggered on the different panels. Since I have two diamonds done on panel 2 I thought now would be a good time for a photo op.



See how pretty it's going to be? Although I must admit my desire to knit something new is growing. It's not that I'm bored with diamonds, I just want to create somthing other than a diamond for a while. Maybe I'll finally block the hated cable sweater for Bird (hated by her not me), or finish sewing together the surprise knitting (although I hate sewing), or finish knitting the pink purse for Pork Chop that I haven't blogged about because I thought I could get it done in one day (and I could have if I hadn't abandoned it for the endless diamond ring of hell then forgotten about it). Or maybe I'll quietly take thirty dollars from the savings account and buy some yarn. The Greatest will never know (unless he decides today of all days to read my blog). Would that be wrong?

So that's what they're calling it these days?

Diamond Count = 19

So knitting this endless afghan is a nice thing to do. And honestly I really enjoy knitting it. I thought I would get very bored of it around the third panel, but I'm on panel number four and I'm not bitching too much yet. I keep thinking about how surprised and happy my Aunt will be to get it. I am itching to start Hopeful, but I'll have to wait until next payday to order the yarn for it. (I seem to recall posting something similar before the last paycheck, where does all the money go?). So while I'm enjoying knitting this project it does make for a boring blog. Let me entertain you with a conversation I had with Pork Chop yesterday.

"So Mommy, I need to give you a shot, then I'll put your favorite band-aid over it."

Not looking up from diamond number 19
"A shot? Will it hurt?"

"Yes, a lot."

"Well gee, thanks for sugar coating it."

"What?"

"Nevermind, why do I need a shot?"

"Because you're sick"

"Ok, I'm ready, give me my shot."

Administers shot, then places pretend band-aid
"Did you see your band-aid, it's your favorite kind of band-aid"

Not looking up from cable
"I have a favorite band-aid?"

"yes it has a picture of you and daddy on it."

Still looking at knitting
"Really? What are we doing?"

"You're makin' lllllll"

Looks up from knitting and drops a stitch

"Lllunch"

Breaths again
"Oh, what kind of lunch?"

The universe is against me

Diamond Count = 18

It's no secret. I've been in a bit of a funk. I've been bitchy. I've been cranky. I've been depressed and unhappy. I've decided to get over it, yup, I'm just gonna get over it. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I try very hard to be positive. Sometimes my Pollyanna-like attitude even annoys me. It takes a lot of energy to be positive all the time. I thought it was exhausting and I finally gave up. I now realize the depression eats up even more energy. I don't know why this came as a shock. I've battle depression before. I've been hospitalized for it before. Depression is my old friend. It's like one of those friends you had in high school, the one that was never a good friend, she used you and stole your boyfriend, but you stayed friends out of habit and fear because if she stopped being your friend who would sit with you at lunch. I hate feeling this way. I made a plan. Just making a plan was a huge step in the right direction. I love having a plan, just feeling that I know what I'm doing, I've got a purpose. Having a plan makes me feel safe (and for some odd reason so does a kitchen full of food. I always feel safe with a fully stocked fridge). I was going to start doing Pilates again because it always made me feel good. I was going to stop eating so much junk food and chocolate because that can't be good for you and eating more fruit and healthy things. I was going to wash my hair everyday, yes every single day (I'm not sure if people who aren't stay at home moms understand what a feat this is, but believe me it's a serious challenge) because that always make me feel good. I was going to start taking care of myself for a change until I felt better. I was going to start today.

Today I got up and both The Greatest and I have the flu. He has it much worse than I do, I haven't actually puked yet. And God Bless him he still went to work. But needless to say I won't be working out or washing my hair or eating today (hey wasn't stop eating junk food on my list. I'll be achieving something today).

In an unrelated theme. I've started a knit-a-long. A very kind and witty woman gifted me with this pattern.



It's called Hopeful. The pattern can be purchased here. The pattern is five dollars, pretty cheap right. Here's the greatest part: for every pattern she sells the designer will donate six dollars to the Susan Love foundation. Their mission is to cure breast cancer in the next ten years. I hope that is soon enough for my Mother. Please consider buying this beautiful pattern. It is well written and has a very interesing sleeve construction. The KAL is here. I've never started a knit-a-long before and would like this one to be a success. So Please come join us and knit.

I'd like to control my own life again please

*Sigh*

For the past few months I feel like my life has been in a holding pattern. The Greatest and I have been just circling around our goals for our family, but not getting any closer to achieving them.

Then yesterday I found out my Mom's cancer is back. Her breast cancer has moved to her liver. Did you know that not all cancer is created equal and breast cancer is an especially aggressive form of cancer. It kills quickly. And apparently when breast cancer moves to another organ, like say the liver, it does not behave like liver cancer, it acts like breast cancer in a new neighborhood (you could take the Clampetts out of the country but you can't take the country out of the Clampetts. Am I old because I know who the Clampetts are? Beverly Hill Billies people). My Mother starts chemo on tuesday. I'm sure she'll be fine. She's my Mom, she has to be. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and all that crap.

I just would like to be able to control some aspect of my life. Just one.

Does Quizilla know me?

You are interchangeable.Fun, free, and into everything, you've got every eventuality covered and every opportunity just has to be taken. Every fiber is wonderful, and every day is a new beginning. You are good at so many things, it's amazing, but you can easily lose your place and forget to show up. They have row counters for people like you.
What kind of knitting needles are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The sad part is how true it is.

My new daydream

Diamond Count = 12

Woo-Hoo, I didn't knit a darn thing yesterday. I'm ahead of schedule anyway. I can take a day off. Actually I've been tired latey. So tired I don't even possess the energy to play with sticks and string. Bird is either teething or has the start of an ear infection, either way she's not sleeping, ergo neither am I. I spent the entire morning yesterday trying to find time to workout because exercise is supposed to give you energy. I think that's a big fat lie, but hey, I'll try almost anything once. Then I spent all afternoon trying to get a shower because after you finally exercise you stink, then you have to use all this new-found energy trying to smell like someone who has not exercised, thus expending all your energy leaving you at square one exactly where you were before you exercised. What's the point? Oh yeah, here's my point: after I showered I was drying off and I came to a horrible realization. My tan lines were fading. My skin was no longer golden but a slightly off yellow. How could this happen? What had I been doing with my time? Why wasn't I spending more of it laying poolside before the pool closes in two weeks? So into our swimsuit we got, and poolside we went. I love the pool. Because we went so late in the day we stayed a lot later than we usually do and I discovered an amazing thing. If you stay past five you get the pool to yourself. Most of the families pack it up around four maybe four-thirty. They've gotta get home and start dinner. The pool is only open until seven so there's no point in coming back after dinner. So if you stay past five the pool is yours. It was so relaxing. It was quiet, there were fewer kids so it was easier to see your own child and make sure they were safe and where they were supposed to be. I think I want to live at the pool complex. Surely they need someone to stay on after the pool closes and make sure it is safe, like onsite security. And if that person should happen to turn on the waterslides or the kiddie pool mushroom or the lazy river from time to time would that be so bad? The Greatest and I sit around daydreaming about moving out and having our own place again. If that place were the Municipal Pool Complex would that be so bad?

Atleast he's got an imagination

Diamond Count = 12!
Two Panels down, three to go. They do take an unimaginable amount of yarn to make. I've made two panels and I'm on my fourth skien of yarn. I think I'm gonna need more yarn than the original 56 ounces the pattern calls for. Thank goodness for no dye lot yarn.

So for Christmas last year we bought Meaty a GeoTrax Train Set. It's really cool. Then The Greatest proceeded to drive me nuts for several months looking for additional track and gadgets, more engines and the like to go with the original set. Stores were sold out for months after Christmas. They finally restocked and we spent a small fortune on the elevation series and more remote controlled engines. The stupid track was bigger than his bed (I've blogged this before and you can find that post here) Anyways we have this huge train set with four remote controlled engines. Mostly Meaty likes to push the trains by hand around the track. The remote controlled engines make him nervous. He can't stand having more than one running on the track at a time. He's afraid they'll run into each other and it just isn't fun for him. But we have this train and he plays with it almost every day. Then yesterday he decides this is a train



And he spent all afternoon playing with these three blocks of wood leftover from putting Mom's hardwood floor in. Why do I bother buying real toys when they'd rather play with a laundry basket and a block of wood?

This is all just coincidence right?

So my best friend and I live oddly parallel lives. My oldest daughter and her daughter are one month apart. My son and her son are one month apart. Her son was hospitalized for pneumonia and one week later my son was hospitalized with a rare allergic reaction. We close on our house and move in with my parents. One week later they close their house and move in with his parents. When my friend's mother died I told my husband that I was worried about my Mom. I wanted to keep a close eye on her for the next week. I was joking, sort of. When a week went by I was a little relieved, ok a lot relieved. Did I ever tell you I can be superstitious and irrational, full of all kinds of magical thinking. Then on day nine my Mom tells me that they've found lesions on her liver and she needs to go the James for a CAT scan to see if her breast cancer (which is all gone) has metasticised to her liver. I'm worried. Her heart can't stand another round of full blown chemo. The Greatest says I'm borrowing trouble, that there are all kinds of things that could cause the lesions. But what can I say, I'm a worrier. My Mother will be alright, because she is my Mother and she has to be.

How to tell if you work for Satan

One panel down, only four to go!



Then of course I have the embroidery, the seaming, the single crochet around the entire thing, and the triple knot fringe to go, but hey I'm an optimist. I like to see the glass as half full and completely ignore the fact that it's filled with clamato. (did that even make sense? I really need to start getting more sleep.) And on that lame note I'm gonna go. I've got a train track to build.

Can you possibly resist this face when he says "Wanna play train track Mommy?"



I don't want to alarm you but if you can you may be a minion of Satan himself.

Diamond Count = 5

WooHoo. I'm ahead of schedule. Only one more diamond and I'll have my first panel done! Yeah!

Would love to stay and tell a cute story, but knitting group is coming in two hours and I gotta vacuum.

Looks a lot like yesterday, only longer

This is gonna get boring real fast. Not the knitting of the afghan, which I'm sure will get boring at some point, but the sharing of pictures of the knitting of the afghan. See.



Looks a lot like yesterday's picture only longer. My goal is one diamond a day. That should put me seaming in three weeks. But we'll see. I also have to finish the surprise knitting somewhere in there, and possibly Bird's sweater if I get motivated enough to buy buttons. Pictures of finished objects= fun and exciting, but I think pictures of an ever growing panel of knitting will get boring real fast.

I guess I'll just have to entertain myself by telling random stories. Today's story?

How I'm gonna get rich!

I've figured out how I'm going to get rich. Yesterday my Sister calls and wants to know if I wanted some company for the day. I told her I would love company but I really HAD to spend the day cleaning. Not just random picking up, but actual deep pick-the-chewing-gum-out-of-the-carpet-washing-the-chocolate-fingerprints-off-the-walls cleaning. Her reply "I'll come help." Not only did she come over, but she really did help. We cleaned from ten until three. Sheets were changed, toilets were scrubbed, walls were washed, furniture was polished, my two year old was banned from ever chewing gum again. We were so tired, and I don't know about her but my back hurts. But by golly the house looked great for about a half hour, then we let the kids back inside. It's a rare person who will come help you clean, then actually be of some help. I think I'll sell her on e-bay.

Effortless Beauty

Well here I am again. Yesterday I had nothing to knit but Evil. I need to buy buttons for Bird's Sweater, but the love is gone from that project. Somehow her refusal to try it on has made me despondent about the whole thing, so now it sits unloved in the knitting basket. The surprise knitting is almost done, which is a good thing, cause I'm gonna need it to give to the person soon. But finishing work can be so boring, so it too sits unloved beneath Bird's cabled sweater. That leaves me with Evil to knit. And I just can't bring myself to do it. I wanted to knit something soft, and Evil is definitely not soft. I wanted to order some yarn from Knitpicks for my corset-a-long, but that was going to take too long, so instead I bought the largest amount of yarn I have ever bought for one single project. See



And I'm still two skeins short on the blue yarn, thank goodness for no dye lot acrylic. I'm making this for my Aunt.



Last year my Aunt gave me all her old knitting needles and crochet hooks. She used to knit and crochet, but she is now too ill to continue. Then a few months ago she gave me all her old pattern books and magazines. There were some gorgeous patterns, like this afghan, and some truly comical ones from the seventies. All in all it was a very nice thing for her to do. As we were looking through the patterns together she paused to look at this pattern and she told me she purchased this book just for this pattern, but never got around to making it. I knew right then I wanted to make it for her. It is supposed to be knit is wool, but my aunt is allergic to wool so I am knitting it in acrylic. It was going to be acrylic or cotton and cotton was getting way to pricey. I'm knitting the afghan in the lovely "light country blue" the flowers will be duplicate knit in shades of yellow. I think it will be just lovely. I've got a bit done already.



Two diamonds down, only 22 more to go. This pattern is deceptively easy. Mostly it's just stockinette combined with reverse stockinette to create the diamonds. Then there's the cable on the side, but that only uses one kind of cable stitch, so I don't even have to remember which direction to cable, it's always just C4B. See Easy Beauty. It is knit in panels that are later sew together. Here is a better picture of the stitches and a more accurate picture of the color



Right now I'm in the new love phase of knitting where I'm completely infatuated with the pattern and want to sit knitting all day long and just let the kids fend for themselves (and I wonder why they're acting more feral than usual lately and the house is an absolute wreck). But I know this shall pass and when it does Evil is always waiting.

I think she loves it

I've done very little on Bird's sweater, but there is very little left to do. Just buttons, blocking and sewing the tag on. I think this sweater may be the most beautiful thing I have created since I started knitting. I am very proud of it. This is what Bird thinks of it.



She hates it. She actually said the words "No, No, Noooooooo" for the very first time. Then she tried to rip the sweater off and finally fell off the couch to the floor clawing her chest still yelling "Nooooooooooooooo." It was her very first temper tantrum. Such rage from such a littlle thing. Wonder if she'd like it better with buttons.

Grief

My heart grieves for my friend. I love her so much and wish I could take this burden from her, or at the least share the load with her. She shared with me her favorite picture of her Mother. It is a picture of her Mom and her Step-Father sitting close, smiling and laughing, and looking very happy together. She then went on to tell me that they were drunk in the picture and sitting on the kitchen floor. She told me that this is how she is going to remember her Mother: vivacious, vibrant, loving, loved, happy, spirited, strong, and beautiful, and drunk on the kitchen floor. I hope we are all remember by the ones we love in such a tender smiling way. May you be at peace Barbara.

One of the most beautiful and tragic things about life is that it goes on. Death feels so monumental that you don't (or atleast I don't) feel like smiling should be allowed at funerals, the utmost decorum and respect should be shown the grieving, laughter seems to almost trivialize the pain and loss yet laughter is what makes life bearable. There are holes, huge gaping holes that threaten to swallow you with pain, where people we love used to be, but life marches on with an unending relentless beat (often banged out on the tupperware by my children) and laughter is a healing balm to the soul. Far from being disrespectful to the departed it is often a celebration of who they were and a remembrance of their spirit that keeps them alive. It is in that spirit that I share the following.